Another beloved family member has gone....
It's hard. It's really hard, and I didn't expect this at all.
He was my aunt's husband, and despite their youngest daughter is one of the closest cousins to me, and my own aunt is one of the closest family members, I was never close to him at all. I used to think that he was a big man with loud voice, sometimes obnoxious, but never went to borderline annoying to the point I don't want to see at all. In fact, he was a nice man and perhaps I just have a different view because he was so different to my own dad.
But there was no doubt he was a nice man and loving husband and dad, my cousin never forgot to mentioned it was because of him and her mom that she is such a devoted kind-hearted Christian girl now. He had a big ego, one that I couldn't blame at all with his status. Perhaps the defaults that I can see were he didn't really care about his health, loved to eat anything, and quite spoilt/whiny when he suffered. I remembered the first time he got heart stroke.
To me, because I wasn't close to him like I said, I was a bit indifferent when he was admitted to the hospital the second time, again due to heart stroke. Am I cruel to feel that way? I honest;y don't know. In fact, I feel bad more toward my cousins. Ci Ira was still hardly accepting of Engkong's death last December, and right before Xin Jia she lost her dad in law too. Now she lost her own father, and she took it really hard. She is kinda like me, I can see it. Everyone pity Dina the most though, she is getting married this April, supposedly on her birthday, but God has other plan.....I wish I can say it's not fair that he couldn't walk his baby daughter through the aisle, walking to her new life with Benny. I can't though, I know God has His own reasons and I believe it's for the family's own good.
I still wish this can happen differently though.
But we all know if we force him to live, fight through all his condition with machines and medicines, he won't be more than a vegetable. If anything he will suffer more, and it will sadden his family more. So God, You actually really nice to call him in his sleep. He walked through Your gate peacefully, reunited with our already passed family members. And I know everyone up there will be proud of him for such a strong family he had built with all his love and strength.
Where do I go with this entry, I don't even know. I guess I just want to rant, try to convince myself that I have to accept this fact. That he is no longer with us, yet he is in the arms of our beloved God now. I try to soothe this heavy heart. Again, why do I even have a heavy heart when I felt so indifferent?
I guess the answer is family. I grew up watching him there in every family gathering, and it has built a sense of closeness, a family tie that made me recognized him as a family.
God, You has freed him from all his pain. Please bless all of us with your strength, help us to face what I think as Your plan to bind our family together.
Beloved Papi Acun, I know we were never close before but know that you are still family and my beloved uncle. You have made my aunt so happy with the three children, whom gave you grandchildren and complete your life. Dina will be happy with Benny, he will take care of her well, and I hope you won't feel regretful that you can't be there for the wedding (as I'm sure you feel this way).
Rest in Peace, Papi Acun. I love you.....
It's hard. It's really hard, and I didn't expect this at all.
He was my aunt's husband, and despite their youngest daughter is one of the closest cousins to me, and my own aunt is one of the closest family members, I was never close to him at all. I used to think that he was a big man with loud voice, sometimes obnoxious, but never went to borderline annoying to the point I don't want to see at all. In fact, he was a nice man and perhaps I just have a different view because he was so different to my own dad.
But there was no doubt he was a nice man and loving husband and dad, my cousin never forgot to mentioned it was because of him and her mom that she is such a devoted kind-hearted Christian girl now. He had a big ego, one that I couldn't blame at all with his status. Perhaps the defaults that I can see were he didn't really care about his health, loved to eat anything, and quite spoilt/whiny when he suffered. I remembered the first time he got heart stroke.
To me, because I wasn't close to him like I said, I was a bit indifferent when he was admitted to the hospital the second time, again due to heart stroke. Am I cruel to feel that way? I honest;y don't know. In fact, I feel bad more toward my cousins. Ci Ira was still hardly accepting of Engkong's death last December, and right before Xin Jia she lost her dad in law too. Now she lost her own father, and she took it really hard. She is kinda like me, I can see it. Everyone pity Dina the most though, she is getting married this April, supposedly on her birthday, but God has other plan.....I wish I can say it's not fair that he couldn't walk his baby daughter through the aisle, walking to her new life with Benny. I can't though, I know God has His own reasons and I believe it's for the family's own good.
I still wish this can happen differently though.
But we all know if we force him to live, fight through all his condition with machines and medicines, he won't be more than a vegetable. If anything he will suffer more, and it will sadden his family more. So God, You actually really nice to call him in his sleep. He walked through Your gate peacefully, reunited with our already passed family members. And I know everyone up there will be proud of him for such a strong family he had built with all his love and strength.
Where do I go with this entry, I don't even know. I guess I just want to rant, try to convince myself that I have to accept this fact. That he is no longer with us, yet he is in the arms of our beloved God now. I try to soothe this heavy heart. Again, why do I even have a heavy heart when I felt so indifferent?
I guess the answer is family. I grew up watching him there in every family gathering, and it has built a sense of closeness, a family tie that made me recognized him as a family.
God, You has freed him from all his pain. Please bless all of us with your strength, help us to face what I think as Your plan to bind our family together.
Beloved Papi Acun, I know we were never close before but know that you are still family and my beloved uncle. You have made my aunt so happy with the three children, whom gave you grandchildren and complete your life. Dina will be happy with Benny, he will take care of her well, and I hope you won't feel regretful that you can't be there for the wedding (as I'm sure you feel this way).
Rest in Peace, Papi Acun. I love you.....
