Day 5: shopping, food, headache, prayer

I wonder if it's a good day....


Well, obviously yesterday was a good day. I chatted with ShinyIslandMan, as usual, but that was the first time we talked about fashion XD we both love Korean fashion though she loves tomboy and casual style while I like both casual and dresses....
She was complaining of how her mom doesn't approve her clothing style, auntie wants her to wear dresses like me :P

See, this is my dress~
Auntie wants her to wear something like this (ShinyIslandMan told me so).

To be honest I'm a bit embarrassed too, this one seems so flowery but since she said it's not childish and I will look good in it, okay then.

Btw ever since I bought this one, I started to enjoy looking at dresses. Before I wasn't confident enough to wear dresses, skirts or shorts. I only wear jeans. But now I guess it's about time I give it a try. I'm old enough to do so 0(^.^)0

Anyway, today I went shopping with mom at Mangga Dua. Originally we wanted to buy stockings and purse for me, plus looking around just in case we find some nice sweaters for winter. In the end, I bought a simple grey dress, mom bought a blouse, and it was only much later when we decided to go home when we finally found a kiosk that sells stockings, socks and tights (which are what I bought). Mom said I should wear dresses more often since I'm "still young, beautiful and fair-skinned". Aiya....

Anyway ever since we found out I have cholesterol problem, I've been trying to eat oatmeal at least once a day. I like oatmeals, I can eat it with whatever foods available in my house as long as it has broth or a soup. Yesterday I ate oatmeal with opor and today I ate it twice with burger meat and cap cay (however I suppose to write it anyway?).

But the so-called lowering cholesterol rate (I don't know how to write this either) was epically failed when mom decided we will buy KFC for me & gege's lunch. Oh man.....and here I thought I could skip junk foods for a while......

And then, I don't know why, the moment we reached home, I got massive headache. My head was pounding (and perhaps still is now, I'm not sure), maybe because we got home late and I'm not used to eat late like that. It was already 4 PM when I finished lunch and bathed, it was too late to catch a nap so I just browsed internet and played Coffee Buzzed as usual.

Well, at least I'm not in a total bad mood like the other day.

Btw dad lost his StarOne sim card. Why are all the men in my house so careless and ignorant??? Like father like son.......


I was chatting with Siska for a while before I write this, she is eating dinner now. Since I often online, she always seeks for advices to me.

I want to pray a bit here, since I usually can't even open my heart enough to see things in my heart.

Lord, I want to thank You for letting me feel like this. Ever since I was little I always let people take advantage of me. I let my childhood friends copied homeworks I had done with so much efforts and they didn't even thank me. I let them ignored me after all I've done to them. However during my later days, You has made them open my eyes of how annoying I was being. Now I am changed and I hope for the good. I often feel lonely, which I know mostly because my friends are already working or because they still think I'm the annoying girl from the past, I try not to care too much. Lord, I thank You for giving me blessings, for letting me develop the thought of trying to see everything form every sides available. I am most grateful that I can share my past experiences to my younger friends: ShinyIslandMan, Ari and Siska. I feel like an older sister for them and I really grateful for the chance You're giving to me.
I am grateful I have Widi as my friend, even though I feel neglected at times, it's always me who calls her and never her to me. I understand though, she is more charming and friendly, she has a lot of friends who care. I'm not the only one but I'm still happy and proud she still sees me important.
Lord, I know I'm materialistic, I always greedy and selfish, always want more and more than I should have to. Still, this is what You gave me to control myself, I trust You and I know this is an imprtant lesson from You. I love You for every single thing You gave me and plan for me, whatever it will be. Please guide my way so that I still can be myself and not walk into the wrong path.

Amen.


I'll call it a day now.

Day 4: family, food, Church

I have a long day today


I started the day with fair mood but it changed through the day. See, today I was supposed to go to Mangga Dua to buy clothes and other things necessary for school abroad. She told me to prepare early. Turned out she has to help dad in surgery until 11.30 am and of course it wasn't what I think "early". Still mom insisted I have to go. I've tried to tell her that I wasn't in the mood anymore but did she listen to me? Like usual, no. She just went "okay be prepared, as soon as your dad finished lunch we'll go"...........and I was saying "I'm not in the mood..." but she just cut me in the middle.

What the.......well, that was enough to make me pissed.

But then just when I was trying to get up and change my clothes, she yelled from downstairs that we'll just go at Monday since she was tired and so did dad.


Why am I still upset about this? My opinions are rarely matters to them. Friends and family wise.

I remember when I was in school, from primary school until university, people rarely listen to me. I still remember when Etas snapped at me just because I was telling her about Kakek and his book. Furthermore, during our graduation day preparation, some of my friends who were the dominant voices in our grade went off to take some pics at kompleks candi. They just left Chibi, Ufie, Himmi and me, who were sitting on another table next to them in kansas, as if we weren't there.

If it was just me, I'm not surprised anymore. But they even left Ufie, Himmi & Chibi who are close to them!!! Such a nice friend....


Anyway, since today is Waisak and dad doesn't need to go to Depok, mom decided we would go to Church this evening. Yes, we did go but once again this so called "discrimination" occurred.

As usual, mom took a nap in my room. She seemed surprised when she saw my window's tills were dusty and began complaining that our maid hasn't clean it properly. (I'm not surprised really. Any normal human will found it annoying to clean things until no dust appear at all every single day, even mom does when our maids are going back home during Lebaran. But since maids' jobs are to clean I guess I have nothing to say). Then she told me to clean it, and so does my bamboo tablet, and she said it has to be clean when she woke up.

I've chose to do it later, I need to do my "meditation"......walking around the room with music in my ears. When mom woke up and saw me meditating and the window tills still dusty, she muttered under her breath "always says yes but not doing it" and then went out to take washcloths and gave one to me, silently orders me to clean my bamboo.

Mom didn't trust me, huh? Should I laugh or what?

But it really made me pissed.


And then it happened again.

I was already bathed from an hour & a half before, just because I have to apply make-up. But at the supposed departure time, my dad & gege haven't even take a bath! And I still could here Merlin's theme song from downstairs.........meaning that they were still watching TV. I asked my mom if we were really going and she simply said "Yes, we are! Dad & gege just need 5 minutes to bath!".

Okay, I know it, so I didn't rushing in changing. But then, when gege was in the bathroom after dad, mom came to my room and scolded me when she saw I still combing my hair and haven't change my clothes yet. Then she yelled again to hurry when I was in the toilet.


Do I......really have to say anything at all?


I was totally grumpy on the way to Church.

I don't know why, but Church is really a holy place I think. Either that, or it's because I'm raised as a good Catholic girl, I always found the Church so calming and nice. Even though I never say out loud the prayers, always mouthing only, and never sing any song, just listening to others sing them. No matter how bad my mood was when I entered the Church, I always feel better after the sermons ended (only failed once but usually like this) and that was what happened today.

Choi Siwon and Kim Junsu, We will be good friends indeed. I have to bring my rosary (and perhaps my bible and puji syukur too, if it's not too heavy) to Glion, and I have to find an English Catholic Church there or I'll really going to die of depression!!


By the way it happened again after sermons. During the last speech in Church I asked mom what will we have for dinner and my mom suggested to eat at Sate Senayan. She refused to eat Dudung (mutton soup) because the soup has a lot of fats and we both have cholesterol problems. So I agreed, we would eat satay.

Then when mom asked dad & gege in the car, gege seemed hesitant because he wanted to go home for work and he complained he always unlucky at choosing food in Sate Senayan. Dad then suggested Dudung take-away when he heard mom told him that was what I previously suggested. And then what happened? Mom said "Okay, Dudung then"

......................OMG?

And then gege suddenly said it was okay to eat satay and....of course we finally ate dinner at Sate Senayan.



Well.

Dad always the first in our family and gege always the second. I'm always at the bottom line.


I'm still irritated at being ignored but not as grudging as earlier today.


I'll just go do my mandarin homework now.


GANBATTE!!! JIA YOU!!! FIGHTING!!!!



I'll call it a day now.