Day 26: Why so manyyyy??

Yes, why so many works to do?

Supervision.....we have to prepare for the debate (yuck, debate again!)

RD...I have final so can't really complain about that.

Basic accounting....guh, I barely can do any reviewing right now. Too many things to do!!

F&B.....I was planning to do it tonight but I guess I have to delay it until Thursday night because of contemp issue!!

Contemp issue.....ugh, so many materials to read & understand by heart. Just like NIcolas had said. That guy surely knows a lot....

English....nah, nothing too much to care for now. I already finished like 80 % anyway.

Speaking of contemp issue, I have group study with Snoopy, K, T, Audrey & Liko this afternoon. I feel bad for them since I didn't understand the coca cola case study and I only managed to print the cruise line ppt this morning (I feel like killing those machines!!!). I feel so useless, guilty and like a freeloader since I couldn't say anything much.

But I'm glad we can do group study. I don't think I can manage to read & understand the whole materials by myself, with my stupid brain and what.

Another thing. I got so easily distracted, so pathetic of me. I was too entranced watching the cute scenes in THJ last night and this was what I got today. So I guess this is God's punishment for me. I will do better and be responsible next time...

So yeah....need to book flights to Netherland and Poland too. Plus, counting how much expenses I will get by the end of this year. I don't think I want to see....prices in Montreux are more expensive, I'm worried I'll become much more stingier than now.

But if it's for good, I don't care.

Hectic weeks just started, plus the cold weather.....I hope I can survive and do much better.


Stole this cute gif/pic form lj today, so cute!!! Credit goes to dubulove and whoever created the file~





Now back to study study and studdyyyy!!! I don't want to disappoint them anymore! Feels like a retarded already this afternoon, better do better next time!

Day 25: Rain rain...

It's so cold here lately....I guess it's time to take Mr. Bear out...

Today was pretty tiring at least for me. I woke up almost late, and I guess I really don't have anything to do with them anymore since they didn't knock my door anymore. Not that I care, really.

For RD, finally I got the mark for the project. Got 7.58 in total, so if I have to sum it up with the mid term exam result, I will still get 7 (round it up). Which means I still have to work hard for final. At least we won't have guest accounting anymore. Maybe it'll be better that way, I'm not sure.

As for supervision....I'm still thinking, should I take HR or not? Maybe it's better if I stick with FO? Because today in supervision we have another group learning, discussing...not that it was really bad or sort, I just found that I don't like it that much. I prefer group studying outside the class. As for inside the class, I prefer passive learning like usual. I'm more of a listener than a talker (which finally have to say something anyway since my zhongguo friends are basically voiceless when it comes to group discussion *sigh*).

So far what I have in mind for internship are FO, HR and marketing. The last one would only happen if I can take marketing next semester. And if next semester I can take CBL Housekeeping, I think I prefer that one than services in kitchen & restaurant. I like cooking but with my own space & pace, please. And the option to take internship in Toronto still applied. Last night Nink came to my room to talk about managing events with Phuong. Well, thanks to her & her bf, maybe my second option would be either SK or China. Japan not so appealing to me anymore, thanks to several discussions I had before, and maybe Thailand isn't a bad option either.

I also talked with several PG2 students: Promise, Laura, Hannah.....well, they gave good infos about Glion life.

I feel like I really want to work right now but I still have semester 2 to cover. I think I already reached the age where I prefer to work rather than studying. But the question from the few months back is still the same.

Do I want to work in this industry or not?


Not sure about the answer but yeah.....cover semester 2, internship, then I will think about it. I guess I can make the real decision only after I entered internship.

Maybe I will also take RD Management next semester. Mom & dad doubt HR too anyway.

*sigh*


Exams are near......contemp issue this week.


HWAITING!!!!


Gotta study now, and group study tomorrow...


I'll call it a day now. See you next time!

Day 24: WHAT??

O__________________o



1 month already????


Right. I have been busy with college: reports, projects, presentations and every single stress (plus other things) included in 1 free package from my lovely campus.

At least I have finished most of my projects & presentations. Still have 1 F&B project and 1 english presentation though.

As a result I don't have time to draw pics or write short stories per request by the cool cat. Or should I call her the kluski now? XDD

I have several interesting things to write I think. Just....when is the time? Guh....

Feels so tired physically & mentally.....


First final exam: Contemporary issue in 2 weeks!! JIA YOU!!! FIGHTING!!!!

Day 23: I'm feeling better~

Yea, I'm finally feeling better. After a lot of tears, lonely feelings, walk around the town, routine counseling which still last until now, chatting with parents and e-mails from Ruhafzo...


And finally.....I think I can say I've started a new life as a more independent (and perhaps uncaring?) person.


I don't care anymore if they leave me alone again, like what just happened last week, I don't care anymore if they ignoring me, if they won't talk to me. Whatever. It's their choice and my life. As a result, I'm not crying anymore now. Okay, maybe at times but in general, no. I also feel more free than before. How stupid of me to stick with them all the time, it wasn't worth it. Not with that snobbish girl who doesn't understand that I'm different with her. Or maybe she understands and doesn't like it. The point is, she's ignoring me & make it a very obvious one too.

But I also a lot more closer with my other friends. These days, I feel particularly close with Audrey, Ruhafzo, Gina, Thi, and the last ones are Sherry and KangHo. I even planning to go to eat Korean food together with Sherry and KangHo. Funny, because it was just today I talked a lot with them (and being dorks in general) with them.

But in general, I'm happy I'm close to them. They are different with my last group of friends, I feel more free....but I also need to remind myself to be careful and know my limits, I don't want to repeat those sad feelings again.

And today I have done Rooms Division presentation. They said I did a good job but I actually think I was so nervous and it was quite obvious. Well. I'm happy too, because I've done my 1st presentation with so multi-cultural group members. I finally learned about them and even can talk leisurely with Julian, Inna & Vadim. I thought I will regret this but now I can see it from the bright side. Thank you, God, for giving me this precious opportunity!!!


But at the same time, I got a bad news: I didn't pass my Rooms Division test T_________T I only got 6.3...

I know we still have the presentation mark & the final assessment but still....if I started this bad, I'm getting worried of what will happen afterward. I hope I can be better.


Now, another good news of the day: I got my B permit! Yay!! So I can go to Paris!

Although my interest in going is limited with the fact that I have to go with her & endure a lot of branded shopping....now I'm thinking that maybe I should just go during winter break so that I can stay at Marsha's place? I can use this mid term break as a chance to explore Switzerland. Or go to Ik Yang's place in Netherlands?
I'm still thinking.....

Another bad news now: I have another basic accounting test this Thursday and it'll be hell because I'm already depressed of those depreciation things. Sometimes I wonder why I'm taking this class....

Another good news: program leader said they maybe can do something to my allergy for CBL. And she said I can take a look for the schedule in academic catalog. So....bad news: I probably will finished by 11th Dec the latest. Good news: I will finish next semester by the 4th of June so I can attend Fina's wedding!!!! OMG best news so far!!!!


So for today, I'm generally feeling good after a lot of joking with my adorkable friends~

I'll call it a day now XD

Day 22: T______________T

Aku rasa aku punya kelenjar air mata super d...


See, it happened again!!! I'm crying again now.....

I'm really really confused....


I mean, I finally see some brightness today. I'm happy Julian shares the same view with me. He said he's also think Russian couple aren't contributing enough when it was her who started all of this at the 1st place. He even offered to talk to Mabillon if the situation stays like this...and to tell him that all of these are his & mine presentation but not theirs. Now that one is a bit extreme but in a sense, it's true. Hello, those two left us when we haven't done any work yet and only back at Thursday!!

And Julian even comfort me when I told him I'm worried with such a short time. I told him I'm worried since I've never done this before, that I'm nervous about presentation, that I can;t do this in the last minute...and he said I need to relax & I'll be fine during presentation bcoz he understands my english.

For the last line, I feel bad because he compared me with yesterday's supervision presentation. He said he didn't understand anything since the group's english is really bad and accented. But I can't blame them....they are all Chinese/Taiwanese that, except Kurt, are still have their accents. Poor Jeffrey, it was his birthday yesterday and the presentation was deemed bad...


On to top it all....I found out my stupid bunny leader Jay left his group today, due to misunderstandings. Now this is one thing I can understand....because his messages were about culture shock & homesick during his teenage days and as an American, he was very blunt in the way he talked about them. People just too quick to judge things.....and now he left to Seattle to sort his feelings out. And the fans started to feel bad because they later found he had changed his feelings and everything.

I wonder if I'm like that too now.....only, as an Asian born, I'm more introvert about it.


And as a result, I often cry.


Maybe in a sense it's a good thing? I can let out my feelings somewhat....

And Phuong has learned to leave me alone at times like this, thank God. I prefer that way...so I won't feel guilty making my friends, who are already busy with their own projects, worried about me.

And another factor of my tears, still related to darkness, is about the lights in our room. I think we don't have enough light, what about winter?? I hope it won't increase my minus eyes...


Dear Jesus, please help me gain more strength. How can I understand others when I can't even understand myself? I want to talk to my family, call them or anything, but it's like 2:30 am in Indonesia, I can't disturb them. They have other things to take care of. I hope engkong will get well soon....
And that's why I thank You for giving Jinji in my life, she's a very good friend & she always listens to my ramblings, no matter weird they are.
This time I don't care if I wake up with swollen eyes again tomorrow, at least I don't have class tomorrow.


I hope I can be stronger as the days passed. Jay, get back to your group, life isn't the same without you & your dorkiness~


I'll call it a day now...

Day 21: I'm.....numb?

At first I was worried.

Then I was annoyed. Really really annoyed.

My group mates are so irresponsible!!!!

Julian did work hard for the interview but he didn't realize our presentation is 2 weeks away....

I have no idea of what to write from that 1 1/4 pages of interview result....and how to make it a 3000 words report none the less.

Russian couple are away God-knows-where and will show up in class at Thursday.

Leaving me & Julian confused and have to work to find some info again.

Sweet.


Am I the only one panicking over the whole thing???

AM I too paranoid??

Maybe my tears are already dried up, strangely I'm not crying at all. Only shed some tears earlier today. I'm really looking forward to meet the student councilor....

Back to topic

I guess I should read some info about the whole RD things....if I'm not mistaken we have to do some analysis over this.

*sigh*


Maybe I should've take art path like my brother, at least I won't get frustrated over irresponsible group members and counting counting counting...


On the bright side, I got some info from Audrey about the prices of jackets here, plus cream for winter. Let's see if it'll work. Thanks, Audrey!! Get well soon!!

And poor Phuong....her request to get internship 1st got rejected!! They are so weird, she clearly stated that she has some financial problems and can't pay for the 2nd semester without working & they still insist her to finish 2nd semester 1st without giving advice or alternatives for her problems???


I...


I honestly don't know what to write or think right now...


I think I already gone numb about the whole thing...


I'm pretty sure I'll freak out again when the time is come



I'll call it a day now I guess.....

Day 20 : Why?

Whenever I wrote I don;t understand myself, I seriously mean it.

Because I don't understand why I'm so emo at nights here. Even now.

Even now, where I was happily chatting with my brother & parents before dinner. Where I was laughing --not literally-- of my own silliness, forgot to set the alarm clock and thus, woke up late and missed the morning messe. As a result I have to skip brunch and ate mi gelas, oatmilk and a few bites of waffle for lunch.

If this is what will always happen to me at nights, I don't know what will happen when winter actually comes. When there will be more nights than days.

And btw, this is also the 1st time I really want to skip a class. Really desperate to skip a class.

Why???


I don't understand. Do I hate that class that much? I know it's boring and such but I never wanted to skip a boring class, at least this much, before.

And at the same time I'm also worried about Rooms Division report. I know I'm paranoid but I'm really worried we won't make it. Especially since I have no idea of what to write for a 3000 words report with the interview result is so short, albeit quite descriptive and interesting. Should I include a history of Rooms Division in general and the hotel itself?

If that's the case, I guess I really should skip the class tomorrow. I'm sucks at research and writing reports, I always need a long time to do those so I better prepare myself. I can ask the others what the class will be about, and I'll catch up with their help.


In the mean time, I will try my best to figure out the reason of my insecurities, fear and whatever problems I have. Maybe I'll do a rosary prayer tonight, just to calm myself down (and I hope it'll really help me to calm down).


Right now I feel like there's something gripped my insides....what is it, I have no idea. I don't even have any idea of what that "insides" is....my heart? My feelings? I really really have no idea.


Why is life so difficult?

Why I always feel the time is too short?

When I can grow up?



I....don't even feel like closing the day at this rate.


Simply because I don't know and don't understand what's happening here, with me.


But I'll try to call it a day now, and hope it'll be better day by day.

Day 19: Again....

Yup, again and again and again...


Today started fairly well actually.

Both me & my roommate slept late yesterday and woke up late too. Ok, not really late for me since my eyes already opened since....I don't know, 8 maybe? It was quite a long time before my alarm, set to 9, started ringing. But it wasn't a problem, as long as I got enough sleep. Else I won't function properly.

So after brunch me & my friends went to Migros to buy some foods and body lotion plus face cream in the pharmacy. I don't know which product is good actually, I just follow the others. And maybe it was a slightly bad idea. I mean, I have no idea and I just followed what the others said because they know better than me. Sounds safe and sound. But the problem is, their views of the prices are different than me.

Quin told me l'occitane is good. It is good, I'm sure of it, especially since it's made in France. Obviously can cover the needs. However Iriana is a problem since she....I hope it's not only me....but she seems a bit cold to me. At least that's what I feel today. When I told her I need to buy a jacket, she told me it's better to buy something like H&M because to buy things here probably not very good in quality and with a high price too. I know it's true, I also think like that, but the problem here is I have to go to Montreux to reach H&M and I don't think I will have the time for that. But when I told her this, she simply shrugged. For me, it seemed skeptical. And she's the one who doesn't know the value of money too. It seems like she's too self-centered, or at least she doesn't want to listen to me and my needs.

Too bad, I need her help in this area since she is the one who already experienced snowy days.

In the end, I bought l'occitane face cream and body lotion, plus one nivea soft intensive cream in tube just to try. When we went to Coop I saw Dove body butter and since Iriana said body butter is better in some ways, I bought it too. In total, with the milk and everything, I spent more than 120 francs. Which means, I spent more than 1 jt Rupiah.




I honestly feel very very bad towards my parents. Yes I know the life here is very expensive and I also know what I bought are the necessities....but I also know that I'm very stingy. Which is an advantage in a lot of things, like I won't spend my money for unnecessary things.

My point is, I hope I can somewhat reduce my expenses. I don't know how, but I really want to. School fees are already expensive...


Btw..


Yeah, it happened again. Even though I went out today, have quite some fun and sad due to previous event, I suddenly feel down again at the moment.

And all it takes are supervision research and browsing wiki about HR.

I've decided I don't like hospitality supervision now. The class is boring and.....I can't explain why but I don't like it. In some ways, I kind of regret i dropped business planning and not supervision. In a matter of importance, supervision is more important. In a matter of class and way of studying, business planning is better. I have Iriana in both presentation groups so it's a 50-50 situation.

But seriously, the whole ordeal makes me worried about myself.


A simple curiosity and a peek of my future work interest has made me doubt myself again. I became worried, afraid, because I don't know what the future will bring and will I like it or not, can I handle it or not....why am I so easily scared and stressed?

My emotions can go up and down too easily. TOO easily. Why? When did this start? How did it happened?


I'm trying to focus on supervision project now, I'm worried since the day is near to my contemporary issues project. I honestly don't like it, with my easy-to-stressed condition and two presentations so near to each others....

I know I will suffer a lot.

That's why I'm trying to prepare myself since now, but it's also hard. I easily get distracted, quite moody in doing something, and my worried tendency--again, a big factor....


I don't even know what I can do.


But I can say that I'm more interested in my contemporary issues project rather than supervision one. Simply because my group mates in contemporary issues are much more nicer....and the topic is about culture.


This also makes me wonder, maybe I should've stayed in culture path. But both of this and supervision class are the ones who made me want to try HR.


So the conclusion is: I'm still confused. I don't know what will happen, I will leave all of this to my lovely Jesus Christ. I hope I will feel better after tomorrow's sermon. Maybe I'll do rosary prayer too tomorrow.


I'll.....call it a day now.

Day 18 : A day can make you proud and sad

It was quite....interesting today, I guess?


As usual in Friday mornings, I woke up at 7 to pamper myself with hot shower & light make-up......just to eat breakfast at 8 and then go back to sleep.

Thank God I have the courage (and sane mind) to quit Business Planning. I seriously will die of over-stressed if I do continue. Sorry, Mr. K, but this is my sanity that I'm putting into the life line here.

Anyway, I also cleaned up my room a bit. Yesterday I got an e-mail from the reception, saying that our room will be the exemplary room to show to Glion guests because our is always clean and tidy.

I'm proud of that, really proud~

But it seems like my roommate just doesn't understand why it is our room that got chosen. She doesn't mind, not at all, but she doesn't understand why.

That also makes me don't understand her. She has question marks label at times, at least for me.


By the way, at the noon, she & my band of girls decided to skip english due to presntation preparations. Life's pretty hectic for them now, I hope they'll be ok.
And honestly, I feel a bit envious towards my Taiwanese friend. It's true she has a lot of works to do, because all 3 of her presentations are near to due. But actually, if one look at it carefully, she will have a lot of free time after mid term break. While I'm still have 2 presentations, the days very near to each other, and I know I'll go crazy by the time.

Let's just hope I will survive.


Not to mention at the time it's proably already snowing....and I still remember Fina said snow brings a gloomy feeling.

As if I'm not gloomy enough now?


I still have my doubts time to time. A few days ago I was crying because I don't know what I actually want to do in life, whether I make a good choice or not, etc etc. And the trigger was pictures of my Brazilian friend in Switz.

In a matter of seconds, I started thinking "What am I doing here with these guys, these westerners? Do I really want to work with them?? What if I become like them??"

Okay that sounds a bit racialist but I won't deny that I am racialist, even only slightly.

I love my Asian background, my Chinese/Indonesian origin, and I don't want to change that. I'm pretty conservative and a lot of things here made me baffled and disappointed even. I often see the pictures of my westerner friends partying and I really really really really don't like that. The way they are partying is scary for me, perhaps because it includes a lot of alcohol/booze/smoke/disco/whatever that I never associated to in Indonesia. And I dislike it, which is purely because of stereotypes, and I don't wish to change it.

That's why I told my family and close friends I want to work at a place with large Asian community, such as Toronto, Singapore, Japan, South Korea....or even China and Taiwan, if my mandarin can get any better.

I've sent an e-mail to internship office today, I think I will visit them after lunch at Tuesday to ask for some infos. I'm still not sure if I really want to continue the next semester or not but I think it will be a great pity, a great loss, if I don't continue. I need the degree certificate and the knowledge. I admit I'm afraid (when I am not anyway?) to enter the work, because I have no idea what I will do and what I will encounter once I do, but I also often daydreaming of working in a hotel, in which I can earn money by myself and make my family proud because I manage to survive living abroad alone with me being mommy's girl and all.

HR and FO....I don't know which one is better. I have the brief ideas of working in FO, thanks to Rooms Division class, but HR...I completely clueless. That's why I need to ask the internship office, at least I can know some things to prepare my poor mental. I somewhat more interested in HR though, simply because Mizuno offered me a job in HRD before.

Besides, I'm from cultural studies. I have more interest in human lives, their cultures and society, rather than just counting counting counting and counting.

Also the very main reason why I suddenly decided to throw away F&B for hospitality. I didn't know that F&B has so many counting counting counting, so even though the lecturer is very nice, I simply not interested in the course itself. Too many countings. And I don't like designing menus either. I guess my interest in F&B areas are only because I like to cook and bake, with my own pace, and healthy foods at that.



I'll change the topic.


Weather here is suddenly dropped these days. Usually it was only the weekends that is very cold but now....it started to get cold even in weekdays.

Today's temperature in the morning was 7 and 18 in the afternoon. And it has been raining since yesterday. My poor umbrella ripped a bit but I still can use it.

I'm more worried about the cold spell though. I have sweaters and pullovers but warm jacket and clothes in general, I haven't got any chance to buy them yet. Now this is really worrying. I will visit the jacket shop tomorrow. Will be very dangerous if I can't find anything there. What if its' suddenly snowing?? It sounds impossible, considering now is supposed to be early autumn, but who knows? The weather here is unpredictable and global warming makes it worse...


I hope I can find something tomorrow....



And God bless Indonesia, I hope there will be no more victims or sudden natural disasters. I'm worried about my families and friends.....and the earthquake killed so many people too.....

I don't know what it means since I'm here, safe and sound albeit stressed, but a lot of people died and injured and suffered mental trauma.


I won't consider myself lucky.

But I will do what I can do....


I'll call it a day now.

Day 17 : .................?

As you can see....


I don't know what's wrong with me. I actually wonder if I actually know about myself.

I don't know what I want.

I'm not sure of what I need.

I don't know what to do to find out and answer those questions.

I don't know the purpose of my life and what I want to do in my life.

The last line is probably the worse.


My emotions still going up and down I see. About an hour ago I was crying, again, simply because I suddenly feel like I couldn't stand my life here. Like I couldn't stand what I'm doing here. Like I don't understand what am I doing here.

And I guess I really don't know the answers.

I wonder when will I be free from this up and down emotionally unstable attack, because this really affecting my performance in works.

I'm supposed to do research for tomorrow's group meeting but what did I do? I can't even concentrate, too tired and too deep in those thoughts full of anxiety.....

I'm lucky that nice but loudmouth roommate of mine is sleeping so she won't ask me things I'm probably not ready to answer of.


I think I'll skip breakfast tomorrow, I just want to sleep without distraction and alarm clock. Let's see if I can do that. Because I think I need those peaceful times.

Anyway, I'm worried because I'm not able to sleep late like I used to. If I don't get enough sleep, I can't concentrate in classes and only understand half of it.


Funny how I can feel like this. A few hours ago, after dinner, I still can laughed with my best friends. Half an hour after that, I was out for ice cream with my Chinese and Thai friends.

So how did it happen to be like this?

Last Saturday I went with them to visit the campus and the dorms there in Montreux. We even already decided which dorm we want to live in and with who, as if I already decided I want to stay.

Tsk, I rellay really underestimated myself.

So annoying....



In supervision class, it said that a good leader have to know him/herself.

Ha, I can't be a good leader then. Simply because I don't know myself.


Really, I don't know myself.


I'll try to do some more research before sleep. I guess crying really makes one feel better...

And maybe I should meet the student councilor again if the situation got worse or don't get better.




I'll call it a day. An emo day.

Day 16: Whatever deh...

Hm, I just want to share my thoughts about my friend...

When I was chatting with my cousin she asked me if the Indo friend is nice. I told her yes, she's pretty nice.

Hm, I guess I was wrong.

She just told us today that she is thinking to quit her study here, because she said the education & courses & everything aren't up to her standard. She even said her first impression of one of our lecturer is "stupid".

..........well.


Since I don't like hurting people's feelings, and not so blunt like her, I'll just write it down here then.

I started to feel disappointed with her during my homesick/culture shock days. At the time I often ask her opinions about things since she has more experiences living abroad. But in the end, after I talked to the program leader, and she asked me my decision.....I told her I couldn't decide, I will see as the time goes on.

Her reaction?

"Okay, it's your life...but I already started to feel irritated and annoyed, you know"


Oh, I can see that really. But you know.....I am not you.

Unlike me, you already know what do you want to do in your life. Unlike me, you came from businessman family. Unlike me, you have more than enough material supports for everything in life.

But you can't see that, can you?

Just because I can't decide what to do and want to think over it more, you think I'm an indecisive person.

Well, too bad.....because I also can see that you are nothing but a smart and rich spoiled kid. You admitted it yourself, you don't know the value of money. I can see that clearly. You often whine you want to go shopping, and the brands are the expensive ones. You want to go to the big cities to shop but you don't want to walk a little bit far. You don't like to walk to the town because it's hot. You complain about your dorm because you used to have the whole apartment to yourself and you have your own car but sadly here you have to walk a lot.

We are so different aren't we?

You just want to study but don't want to work. I told you if you want to quit you can work for your father first and then take a master degree, but you just whined you want to study. Don't you know that working is also studying? Don't you know that all of your life, you're studying, just not in class but in everyday life?

You have no right to call people stupid just by the first sight. You have no right to judge people being indecisive just because their way of thinking and seeing things are different from you. Or maybe, you actually CAN do that.....everyone can do that, even me who is silently criticizing you now. But you are so impatient you know?

Maybe all of these are because you're so young. You're still 20, I think I was so careless like that too when I was your age.

Time will make you realize one day, that there is nothing such as "wasting time" in the world. Every single second is precious, so does every single thing you do.

And even though you feel like you don't get anything from the 2 weeks life here in Bulle, you will see one day that you're actually got something already: the feelings of being faraway from your family, living alone without luxury, gaining new friends. You need to learn about humility too you know..

Things like that, I already can see it. You will reach the time when you finally can do it too.


I'll call it a day....

Day 15: I don't know...

O hai....

Just the like the title, I don't understand anything anymore.

Now I've begin to doubt myself. For everything. For anything.

At first, I was happy and proud to have the opportunity to go here. It's rare, I know. Not all people can do what I do right now.

But is it the right path for me?

Is this the right choice of career I want to be?

Most of all, is this what I want to be? What I meant to be?

I don't know...

Maybe I'm in the middle of transition. My previous study is so much different than now. And now I have to face some courses that I'm not even sure I can handle...or like...or even want to attend...

The promising future lies ahead is tempting...but can I grasp it?

Not to mention the homesickness.....

But if I have to go back...

I think I will regret it.....at least now.

I'm not even halfway trying but I'm already feel sick at some parts.

Even though I won't regret my decision to come back, what should I do once I came back?

Not knowing of what should I do after graduated----it is exactly the reason why I came here in the first place. Because I don't know what kind of job I would get, what kind of job I can do....

So I'm stuck in the middle....

And I admit I'm stressed.....depressed even....of all of this....

God, please help me....

Day 14: Switzerland 1st day

Duh.....1st thing came in mind: my english is nothing but engrish, conversation wise T____T

Really, I'm ashamed of myself. Btw before I left, my friend Iriana, who is going to take a PGD too, told me I'll be fine "soalnya org2 SK n Cina kan inggrisnya lebi ngawur" XDD I was laughing when I read that particular message....but now...hhh....I have 2 Chinese & Taiwanese friends, who are my dorm neighbors. Engrishnya lmyn tuh, malah kayanya lebi lancar mreka d....huuh...and now I'm contemplating to take the english class or not...but the credits....

And you know what? Before I left at Cengkareng, I felt at eased more than the days before, when I was often feel dizzy and shaking because I was so nervous. No, when I was at Cengkareng, I was nervous but remained calm most of the time. When I was in the plane, I teared up a bit when I silently prayed to Christ, wishing Him to protect me and making me strong.

My prayer has been answered, I was able to stay calm....even when I was alone in the luxurious Abu Dabhi airport (it's not as luxurious as Singapore's Changi but definitely more luxurious than Tokyo's Narita), when I have to search for my luggage while leaving my laptop and cabin bag alone in the floor, hoping no one dare to steal it. When I met the school's representative was the 1st time I realized that my english is nothing but engrish. I'm disappointed of course, but since I also met new friends from Mexico, Taiwan, China, Vietnam and Thailand, I didn't feel that bad.

I am now quite close to the Vietnam woman, she's my roommate, and also the Taiwanese and the Chinese (they are my neighbors). We even took a walk together around Bulle to check where is the convenience store, the supermarket, the bookstore, etc. I'm quite at ease with them since maybe, just maybe, they feel the same intensity as I'm currently feeling.

But now, when me & the Vietnamese are alone in our room, busy doing anything we're doing with our laptop and internet connection, I feel it again. The very same fear and loneliness I've felt 5 years ago when I first stayed in dormitory when I just got accepted in UI.

I know I'm a mommy's girl. A family girl. Whatever lah....my point is, I really had underestimated my own self, the maturity and my feelings and emotions to accept this. This is my 1st time going so far far away from home, and now I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of....loosing the shelter my family always provided, for the lack of the better words.

Gw abis nangis di wc td, sambil berharap si vietnam ga denger. Diragukan si.....tapi dia pasti jg ngerti kayanya. Gw kan masi anak2, dia udah 27 thn, jelas lebi siap mental. N bbrp hal yg jg memicu gw nangis mgk gara2 ini:
1. gw sambil sms ama nyokap
2. gw nyoba2 onlen sambil chatting ama eiji
3. gw nowel2 tmn gw si kucing poland, yg mana yg bersangkutan rupanya ga nyadar klo gw just a few hours away from her place now (emg aga2 telmi ni anak, tp lucu si :P)
4. si vietnam lg video chat di sblh gw....pastinya klo ga ama kluarganya ya ama temen2nya..

N smua itu jelas cuma bikin gw tambah gimanaaaa gitu......

Honestly, this is embarrassing. I'm 23 already, I'm not a little girl anymore! Okay, I know these feelings are just temporary. Once I got used to the life here, I'll be fine, I know that. But the process until being there still need a lot of works...and tears.

I hope I'll feel at home here, at Glion....but during dinner, I lost my appetite because just half an hour before I drank a glass of sour orange juice. I have to force myself to eat dinner, that the foods were sadly what I'm not exactly fond of. I don't understand how my friends still can eat them after drank the juice and ate a plum and an apple. Hhh...their tummies work differently than mine...


Christ, please make me strong...


I'll call it a day for now, I hope they are enough.....and maybe I'll go cry again in the wc now...

Day 13: *sigh* My complaints....

......definitely not a good news...


Yesterday there were suicide bombings. AGAIN. Jesus, I don't even understand why did they do that....

Yesterday morning there were 2 bombs exploded at JW Mariott hotel and Ritz-Carlton hotel at Mega Kuningan. Actually there is another bomb found but the I think they have managed to stop it explode. The first one, at Mariott, exploded at 7.45 AM and the RC one at 7.47 AM, according to the news. Both were exploded during opening hour, where the workers were preparing things to welcome the guests, and the guests themselves were having breakfasts or just arrived at the places.

Most people think that this is Jamaah Islamiyah doings again. Of course there is no evidence so far, the JI itself is still silent up till now and not bragging about it like before, but the JI is the main suspect for now.

According to the news (MetroTV, Yahoo news, etc), there are 9 killed and about 53 people injured heavily and lightly. This is the second bombing happened to Mariott, it happened a few years before and killed more than yesterday's one. Among the current victims, there are some foreigners, all are important people who have high positions at their companies. Mariott is one of the most favorite places in Jakarta to held important meetings and it's also a branhc of Mariott in the States. As JI is, if Im not mistake, has quite big ill-feelings toward "America-related", no doubt they are the ones behind the scenes and no wonder people suspect them being the responsible ones.

I've read today's Kompas this noon, and there are at least 2 people who got injured physically and mentally because they are also the victims of the previous Mariott bombing. Poor them, they are scarred and traumatized. I'm really worried, it must have affected them so much. I honestly don't understand why the bombers, whoever they are, have to resort to go this extreme path....

Let's just say it is really JI who is responsible......their hatred of "western things" and how they applied their hatred in practice only make the situation worse for them. Not only rising negative thoughts of Indonesia's image, it's also affecting the Moslem's image as well. These days, ignorant people who rarely in contact with Moslems think that all Moslems are militants, evil, etc etc. On the other hand, some Moslems also think that Christians are barbarians (especially since Christians are allowed to drink alcoholic beverages). Oh lookie here, now we have a war based on religions and beliefs....

"Moslems are evil beings"....obviously not true. I'm Catholic, I've been raised by my family which consists of devoted Ctaholic/Christian/Confucian believers. However, being raised in Indonesia, who has the largest Moslem community in the world, is really helpful to show me that they are not evil.

"Christians are barbarians".....now this one, which I read last year during my thesis writing, I have to admit it really makes me pissed. Not surprising of course since I'm a Catholic myself. And by the way, the writer wrote it mainly because "westerners are violent and they drink a lot, that's why they are violent" sentence. Does it make any sense? Maybe yes, but it doesn't applied to ALL westerners (who ignorants usually think as Christians).

Anyway, back about the bombings.

Yesterday facebook was full of condolences and sympathy of the tragedy. However, some people chose to be heartless smartasses....

One of my junior for example. She wrote in her caption wall that it's better if they bomb the poor people so that Indonesia will has less of them and will give the image for foreigners, especially the Manchester United football team that supposed to came for a friendly match with our local teams.

.....I REALLY PISSED OFF, DISSAPOINTED, DISGUSTED.....whatever the words but yeah, that's my feelings even now.

So she thought it was a good joke huh? To wrote things like that? To laugh at the poor people? To wish for their death just to make a good name? How is it will give our country a good name? Really, I'm so pissed I can't even write my feelings properly in this journal.
One thing she doesn't know: my college mate's cousin is one of the victim of the bombings. I don't know if the cousin died or not (JESUS, PLEASE NO) but if my friend read it, I don't now what her feeling would be. And I told this to that insolent junior, told her that there is someone I know injured of it, and she apologized, said that she was "drunk" when she wrote it.

Read this girl:

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF DRUNK YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BUT YOU ARE A MOSLEM GIRL. MOSLEMS AREN'T ALLOWED TO DRINK. WHATEVER YOUR REASON WAS, IT WON'T CHANGE YOUR INSOLENCE AND WHAT I'M FEELING NOW ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!

And if she was "drunk" because she has problems with thesis, I really don't want to sympathize her. She is one of the main reasons why I don't have any respect AT ALL toward my juniors. They have never been a good example for their juniors and never done good things that will change their seniors' views of them. Period.

As for the Manchester United team....yeah, I can understand why people dissapointed with the situation. The team has canceled the schedule to come for some friendly matches with Indonesia, Malaysia, and 2 other countries I forgot which ones (I'm sorry...). It is a super bad news for the team's fans and for our local teams as well. It is a once in a life time's chance to play with one of the most famous teams in the whole world.

But the reason of the cancellation is understandable right? They supposed to stay at the Ritz-Carlton today but there was the bomb. Which is very fortunate for my view. It's definitely much better if they canceled it. And imagine what will happen if the bomb explodes when the team members are already in the hotel. MU has a history of bombing too. At 1954 or so, the plane the team were using had exploded before it can fly, killing 8 team members. It was a dark history of MU, one that also raised the team's name (more out of sympathy) which just got some outstanding members, the irony is....so heartbreaking.

Anyway, I really don't appreciate any jokes of the bombings. It's not something we can joke about, with so many people died and injured.


And that's my number one complain. There are still....some more, I don't know how many @____________@

Well, the second complain....not exactly a complain actually. My friends and I are supposed to hold a party today, for my farewell and to celebrate 4 of my friends' graduation. But I've decided to cancel it due to safety reasons. Besides, as I have mentioned above, one of friend's cousin got injured too. It's better not to celebrate anything in this sad situation. I'm feeling guilty already...


Third complaint? Hm, this is actually an old issue....but I only can bring myself to write it down now. Mainly because I'm busy and stressed, enough to make me too tired to write anything.

It's about my insolent juniors. Yes, like that "drunk" girl I've mentioned above. It's actually about her and her friends.

Let's start with said "drunk girl". I' don't want to say her name so I'll mention her as M instead.

M currently is writing her graduation thesis. She chose the theme of bushido combined with chan before. But now, due to smoe weird reasons came from her lecturer, she has to changed it (and so she did). I don't know her current theme. Anyway, when she was still in the bushido/chan theme, I helped her a bit since she seemed doesn't understand some parts.
Things started to get annoying a few months after that. And the reason is?

None other than the most famous Korean drama, Boys Before Flowers. Or Kkotboda Namja in Korean.

I'll be honest, I'm biased about this drama. It's an adaptation of a manga Hana Yori Dango, which had made quite a ruckus in Indonesia when the Taiwan movie version Metero Garden was aired a few years ago. I really dislike this drama, whichever version it is. I detest bullying, mainly because I myself got bullied mentally when I was little by an annoying-snobbish-rich girl classmate of mine.

So that M was all of a sudden busy spazzing over the drama, spent her time watching it over and over again, neglecting the thesis. Her status in facebook were all about the drama, and her friends have responded in the similar spazzing manners.

In the end, she was all panicking about the thesis, which was not going to make it on time. But when I asked her about it, she simply said she'll go through another semester to finish it.

I'm a kind of a girl who is taking work and responsibilities seriously. Ask my friends, they know about it very well. And so, that kind of attitude only makes me more and more annoyed with her. She was spazzing over the drama for some times, occasionally complained she didn't have money too. It was so dissapointing to the point I sarcastically teased her once, saying that if she has the money to buy pirated DVDs, she should do something better with them. Like, paying for thesis printing or something. Her reply? She said she was collecting the money to pay the for the next semester.


OH MY GOD THE NERVE OF THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And apparently she is not the only one like that.


4 of my friends, who graduated late because they got scholarships for exchange students, told me this. Among about some 40 students that are writing graduation thesis, half of them decided to take another semester. WHILE THEY ACTUALLY STILL HAVE ABOUT 2 MONTHS TO FINISH IT.

I can't be more disappointed. they think 2 months time aren't enough to finish it? I'VE FINISHED MY THESIS IN 2 MONTHS TIME!!! MAYBE LESS!! And my best friend has finished it in less than a month. A MONTH!!!!
They are just lazy-asses!!! No better word to describe! I hope at least some of them actually have at least a proper reason, like caught an illness or something....

And there is another one similar to M girl. Let's call her N now. She never came to see the lecturer to discuss about her thesis, She only came once, at the very start of the last semester and then appeared again only a week before her exam!! When one of the "killer"faculty scolded her for that, she reasoned she was ill. But to the lecturer responsible in guiding her, she admitted that she was afraid of her and that was why she never came.

......I really don't have any word to describe how ridiculous I found the whole thing.

That lecturer is 8 months pregnant!! She is pregnant, still teaching in class, still teaching in at another campus, going back and forth here and there, and she still want to help the linguistic students who ahve to come to her since one of the linguistic lecturer has to go to Japan. COME ONE GIRL, WHAT IS IT YOU'RE AFRAID OF A PREGNANT WOMAN???

Sensei, I really admire and respect you for your kind heart and patience. I honestly ashamed of such a junior. You're still taking care of them while you're with a child, I hope you will give birth safely to a healthy child. God bless you, sensei...

When finally it was the exam day for N, which was the same day as 3 of my friends, she came late. SHE CAME LATE. She was so lucky my friend's exam was delayed due to some reasons, else N will be grilled alive by the examiners.

And she was almost grilled alive indeed. Not only she came late, she also hasn't gave that pregnant lecturer her complete thesis, which was supposed to be given to her at least a week before the D Day, ans she hasn't go yoroshiku yet!!! Tsk, that was the best suicide moment...

(Note: yoroshiku is a Japanese term, which usually translated as "pleased to meet you" or "I will need your help from now on" or something similar like that. It is a humble word to show you are respecting other people. In this thesis writing case, it means showing respect to your examiners like saying "You'll be my examiner, please help me a lot so I can have confidence and can graduate")

Since she was in hiatus for a long time, she didn't even know they have to use their own laptops for presentation. In the end, she borrowed my friend's, which made us have to wait until she finished her exam. My friend and I was chatting for a long time of how ridiculous and annoying the situation that occurred at the time.

Another thing I found weird that day: only a very small number of her classmates were there to accompany the juniors who have exams taht day.

Last year when I have my own exam, almost all of our friends came. We were supporting each other by showing up at every exams except the day before our own exam and if one have some unavoidable problems. This year, there were only a few juniors, not even 10 people. My friends and I questioned it too. I wonder if their friendships are so....well, not in a good term or something (for the lack of a better word), that they were wondered off on their own businesses, or they probably were in panic because their own thesis haven't finished yet.

I honestly don't care.

They have showed how much insolent, rude and arrogant they are from the very first time they stepped in our major, I myself was a victim once.


And now, my last complain.

My last problem actually. My emotion has been up and down these days. I often can't sleep at nights, either I'm nervous and afraid, or too excited. I will depart to Switzerland next Friday, and I found out that I actually have to go ALONE. I thought I will have some friends because Allentine said she went with some friends. Turned out there are only 2 PGD students for Glion this semester and Iriana, the other PGD student, will depart a day after me from Singapore. Whew...

That, and I'm nervous of my english. I haven't spoke in a long proper english sentence for a long time, I hope I can manage there. No, I actually know I can manage. I know my english is quite good, I'm not trying to be vain here, it's a fact! And since Iriana was educated abroad since young, and she is from Management major, I'm sure she will help me a lot! Yoroshiku, Iriana!!!

Christ, please protect me and give me confidence! Help me to go through all of this....




I don't have anything to complain anymore I guess. That was a lot of writings in a day!! I actually feel better today. I've managed to bake 2 batches of brownies after a long time I didn't~

My source for the bombing news came from various media: Yahoo!News, Kompas, MetroTv, TransTV, a celebrity gossip show in TV (ridiculous but it's true), etc....credits go to all of them!!



I'll call it a day now.

Day 12: Actually an old post...

Hello again...


I have so many things to write and now I probably lost most of them, like usual. LOL so much to myself, kkk~

Last week (or so), my high school friend Memel came back from Singapore. She's already back now, and she's there for internship. Anyway, she asked for a mini-reunion with me, Vina, Febby, Tania and Cassie. She even have a crazy idea of a photo studio session with our togas (graduation robes)!! LOL, these girls are so amusing~
So it was settled we will go to Taman Anggrek mall (TA) at 11 am...at last Saturday.

However at Saturday morning, she sms-ed me saying the reunion was postponed to 1 pm because Vina the cat has mandarin lesson in the morning and wanted to go to a hairdresser first (like OMG, they took this photo session really serious!!). Okay, it was fine, as long as they told me earlier.

The problem was, when I finally there at TA, I have to wait for them for 2 and a half hours!!! I even skipped lunch since I thought we'll have lunch together!!! I was tired of walking around all alone there, I even visited The Body Shop who has big sale at the time, trying some body mist and eau de toilette..only to find I'm allergic later.

In the end I texted them like this:

To Memel: Mel, are you guys on the way now?

No answer, so I tried again, to Vina's mobile this time.

To Vina: Meong, if we are about to cancel this, I still can call my chauffeur to pick me up.

They called me soon after. Memel kept apologizing, said that it was Vina's fault for taking too long at the hairdresser, she sang Super Junior's Sorry Sorry to me, but would that work? No, of course not. I was angry, really angry, but what can I do anyway? I'm tired, hungry and pissed.

After that I bought McDonald's choclate sundae, enough to stuff my stomach with anything, whatever. But after that I still have to walk around aimlessly again, waiting for those "nice" friends of mine.

Hello, ladies? YOU WERE MAKING ME WAIT FOR 2 AND A HALF HOURS ALONE JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR HAIR?????


When they finally arrived, I really wanted to explode. REALLY!!! But well, it's me, who is never can explode to someone dear to me. So I didn't explode but really showed them that I was pissed off, and they kept apologizing to me. Heh. At least they still have the manners to do so.

We took those photos after that, and it was quite fun. There wasn't much to tell except that the photos turned out to be both hilarious and disappointing. Vina's expression kept either pervy or silly, and she was always look at the camera (OMG, lw sadar kamera banget si bu???). My face was too....white. I guess it was because I mixed the UV and face powder too much. We even forced the tomboy Cassie to wear make-ups, and her toga wasn't hers in the first place~ Tania didn't have a toga, hers was rented when she graduated, and so she wore her doctor's jacket (for the lack of a better word).

The mix of UI graduate and Atmajaya graduate plus a doctor cum lecturer (yeah, right XD) were pretty interesting :P I wish I can upload the photos here but Memel hasn't uploaded them yet.




After that, we went to eat to Sour Sally. Sour Sally is the first frozen yoghurt in Indonesia. I'll skip the introduction for next time, I'll just say it's extremely popular but I found it....well, standard. The only thing capture my attention was it was very cold! Of course, it was frozen yoghurt. I picked the original taste with longan topping, it was pretty good. The other ordered the strawberrilicious (strawberry-flavored yoghurt) and matcha-flavored yoghurt. The last one didn't appeal to me since I don't like ocha for anything except for drink in its original taste: as a tea. We also ordered a waffle with yoghurt. Tania and Febby insisted me and Memel should try it since we were the ones who never tried Sour Sally before. The waffle came long after the yoghurt finished. And for your information, we ate in a record time: 3 minutes!!! And we ate the cool treats while chatting as normal girls do (LOL)~



When the waffle finally arrived, we attacked it without much further ado XDD It was so pretty with a swirled yoghurt on top plus some mochi toppings. But what we found the most delicious, at least me and Cassie did, was the waffle. It was tasty even without the yoghurt, I wish I can buy the waffle itself without any toppings whatsoever because I love it! This time we finished it in 5 minutes! LMAO!! We were a horde of hungry girls or what??

After that we just went strolling around, wasting time while waiting the photos to be developed. I think we visited some make-up shops because Vina needed a lecture of how to be a pretty woman, so to speak XD plus strolling around in Gramedia book store, because basically there was nothing we could do. They still have interest in comics and mangas it seems. Sadly I no longer interest in mangas. Now that I think of it, it's kind of weird. It feels like all of sudden I lost any interest of them and that's all.


Later, as promised before with me and Memel, we went to eat sushi!! YAY, i looooooveee sushi!!! e went to eat at Hachi Hachi, the same sushi restaurant where we celebrated Vina's birthday last year. Since Febby can't eat raw foods while Tania can't eat spicy ones, we ordered the same thing as last year's. I forgot the name already but they were mixed of sushi without raw ingredients. It was delicious!! Yummy~


















I ordered something like chocolate smoothies drink, the safest drink for me,kkkk~
Btw the second picture was the 2nd batch of sushi we ordered because apparently we indeed have huge stomach. After finishing the 1st order in record time (7 minutes!!!!), we decided we were still hungry.

Memel: Umm....I think I still hungry

Vina: Yeah, me too

Cassie: Is this even normal?

Tania: You don't know it? Sushi has such effect, you'll still feel hungry even after eat a lot of it, you only feel full some times after (this girl really is experienced in foods)

Vina: Okay, so we'll order something else?

Febby: Yeah, let's ask the waiter ofr the menu

All the while Cassie and I only looked amused XD And after the 2nd order was polsihed in another record time (NOTE: we are 6 girls with only a plate of sushi so you know lah....)

Febby: Who's still hungry?

Allexcme: ME!!

Me: You've got to be kidding me! How can you still hungry?? I'm already very full now!

Febby: But we still are! Are you sure you're full already?

Me: VERY!!!

Okay, so even though they said they were still hungry we stopped right there. Because, as Tania previously had said, we will feel full later. After that and fetched the photos, we went to Memel's house at Gang Kelinci. My dad will pick me up there while the others will have a sleepover. Funny was none of them brought a toothbrush, so hilarious these girls, I love them~

While waiting at Memel's house, we were indulged in various conversation like how to do CPR, comics, Super Junior....whatever. I sometimes in awe at how interesting girls' conversations can be, we can switch to one thing to another pretty fast.

Anyway, even though I was pissed at them earlier, I found myself cheerful and happy by the end of the day. I never can hate my friends, I love them to much to do so. They are precious to me....


And as an addition, I've met my junior high school friend Ella today. WOAH, SHE'S MARRIED ALREADY!!! With a white guy, and have a baby already too!! OMG~~~
Okay, no racist thing in previous words, I'm just amazed that's all. I'm happy for you, Ella!!! And I wonder if she's a model or something. She's tall and pretty, plus has a dark skin. Definitely has the cuts to be a model.


Okay, enough to write in a day. I'll continue tomorrow.....maybe..
So sorry for Vina and Cassie, I can't upload good pics of you....(Vina, you deserved it after made me wait that long!)


Let's call it a day now~

Favorite Quotes

Here are the list of my favorite quotes. I value them for how deep and meaningful they are. These are Chinese quotes though, because I read them a lot :P

A batch from maxims by Zhu Zi:

When you eat, remember that the food is the product of hard work. When you put on clothes, keep in mind that materials do not come by easily.

One should repair the house before it rains and not start digging a well when he already feels thirsty.

Utensils used in the house should be plain and clean. Earthenware is better than those made of jade and gold.

Meals need not be sumptuous; finely prepared, simple vegetables can be better than rare delicacies.

Strive to lead a simple and thrifty life; through such example your children will learn the principles of living.

Show sympathy and solicitude to your relatives or neighbors who are in adverse circumstances.

Fortune amassed by unjust means cannot be enjoyed for long; violating moral principles will bring about destruction.

Among brothers and close relations, the more affluent should help the needy.

In a family, parents and children, husband and wife, the older and younger should each do their duty. They should all abide strictly by the rules of behaviour and use appropriate language.

A man who values money more than his parents is a bad son.

when marrying off a daughter, choose a man of good qualities. It is wrong to demand lavish betrothal gifts --- wealth and rank are as transient as a fleeting cloud, a good spouse ensures lasting happiness. A woman's happiness should be entrust to a man of good moral character and talents. Virtue is more precious than wealth.

When choosing a wife for a son, find a girl who is virtuous and genial, not one whose family offers a generous dowry.

When with others, do not talk too much. One who talks too much is prone to say the wrong thing.

People with power and wealth should be kind to people who are not so fortunate as they are. They should not bully the weak, especially the orphaned and widowed.

Eccentricity and conceit often misguide a person and result in regret -- being self-opinionated and turning a deaf ear to the advice of others often result in mistakes and regrets.

One who is spiritless and lazy can achieve nothing -- a man must have courage and dilligence, then he will achieve success. One who muddles along, wallowing in despondence, is destined to be a failure in life.

Men who are experienced, prudent and modest can be depended on during emergency --a man who is steady and cautious may not be fun, but when you need help he is the one you can depend on.

When hearing an accusation, do not readily believe it. Keep your cool and think carefully, for the charge may be false.

Day 11: Grandpa's birthday party, family reunion

Very very good day today la-la-laaaa~




That's the photo of today's event. Yes, today is my grandpa's birthday party. It's supposed to be 2nd June but we held big party (as usual) for him today at Angke Restaurant Kelapa Gading, near MOI. And when I said big, it was really big since my yiyi, the PO, not only invited grandpa's children-grandchildren-grandgrandchildren as usual, she was also invited Tan big family. Tan family is my grandma's family, so her sisters came along with their children and grandchildren. It was so many people we need to arrange the tables like what we usually called "makan meja" in Chinese wedding XDD and of course yiyi placed me and my bro at a table with my cousins who are around my age.



Woah, it's been a long time since I was in a party with them. I barely recognized them except Yoan, and that's only she usually come to my house with her mom to fix her teeth. I almost embarrassing myself with mistaking her brothers Yose and Nathan with my other cousins Edwin and Adry. Tsk tsk, such a big happy family I have here XD
EH, the only thing that stop me for embarrassing myself is the fact that my bro probably know my big family less than me. I don't know if I should be amused or disapointed, but he doesn't even remember the names of my baby cousins and my nephews-nieces. He barely interacted with my cousins, just ate and then drew sketches at his sketch book. What to do with him, I honestly don't know.






Anyway we have fun chatting and talking from school life to Indonesian artists XDD the latter was because suddenly they turned on the karaoke and the songs were....homg, Joshua's "Air", Tina Toon "Bolo-bolo", Noval "Batman", Trio Kwek-kwek's Indonesia song I forgot what's the title, Tasya, Chiquita Meidy, and much much more children songs that made us totally amused and nostalgic!! Well, since my nephews and nieces are still about 2-7 then it's understandable~ Besides, the karaoke set reminds us of our stupid karaoke moments when we were at their age :P The most memorable one was singing The Cranberries "Zombie", with our own makeshift "eah eah eah"....LOL so much, really!

Then the song suddenly changed to.....Kuburan Band "Lupa Lupa Ingat"

.................



O_O



O____________________O



WHUT????


I mean, come on....Kuburan Band reminds me so much of my fellow Starbucks barista partner Jack because he was promoting it during trainee days and now....
Okay it was hilarious I think. Not that the song is bad but the lyrics are really lolastic my cousin had said XD and I don't know who was the culprit but the song was turned over and over again in the end of the party it's stuck in my head...and my cousins'.




Well. All in all we have a really good time~
And I heard next week or about 10 days from today is one of my yipo's birthday :P Another family party/reunion to attend to I guess~


I actually found a funny pic today, from my friend's facebook, but I'll upload it tomorrow I think :P

I'll call it a day now~

Day 10: Whut?

Hai thar today...


I've been attacked by a full boredom since yesterday and I wonder why. I have a lot things to do like mandarin (ugh!), checking my wardrobe, checking Glion website, searching for my lost photo CD, write down some recipes (halfway done), checking my shoes....eh, I even planned to bake brownies again but I'm too lazy to do it in the end.


And my brother sounds a bit pissed off since this noon. He keeps changing his facebook status with things like "AAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!" or "DO not disturb" or similar things that screamed "touch me and die. I'm totally pissed". I'm so used to hear him yelled or overall being PMS.





Oh oh oh yesterday I went shopping with mom, I finally bought red wine!! Yay, I miss drinking red wine so much (especially with my tummy problems)!! I drank two little cups already up till now :P
And when I strolled passed Starbucks, my friend Rendhy was there! Rendhy, why do every time I go to MKG you were never there? Wheh, but two thumbs up for you and Daniel! You two, along with Santi at SenCy are the ones who are still loyally work in our beloved cafe~ Obviously Clemens, Jack & me were retired already, though Clemns & me still often joke about customers XDD and of course, Ana was MIA since a long time ago. I wonder why. Was it just because her store is far from her campus?
Oh Rendhy, thanks for the free tall no whipped dark berry mocha <3 It was very very berry even though only a pump of syrup (but it's blueberry, no wonder....).I'm not really fancy it but it's not bad. I still prefer my beloved double choco cream chip (oreo, my barista partners said) or raspberry blackcurrant or a simple latte. Yummy~ I love milk hence the double choco cream chip, so what XD




Today is...la-la-laaaa.....Benito, you dork! Why didn't you tell me earlier that you have facebook??? Tsk, and here I thought you're already forgot about me, your DBSK/Suju/SHINee/FTTS BFF in crime (that's self-proclaimed, please ignore it). And now I see we do have different style of music....or maybe different ill too. I missed those times last year when you were asking me Noonan nomu yeppeo HQ MV after I gave you their 1st album and an LQ MV :P Not a dongbangers anymore hm? Well, that's okay. I am one too, I really missed their korean songs....just come back here misters XD
Why do I found it a bit hilarious now that you like Suju the most? Oh oh oh maybe because I was the one who gave you their old MVs plus some show clips and some MV behind the scenes/makings? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Speaking of korean fandom......I was scarred with 2NE1. Female Big Bang? Not that it was a bad idea for the group to make such a funky girl band but why do they have to announced it as female Big Bang? Their fame will be always related to BB itself, I really wish it won't be like that. I'm sure they can be famous on their own later but I really don't like such title.

Anyway.

The thing that scarred me was a performance video of the girls I saw in youtube, thanks to my meimei Pei. Well, i was impressed at 1st, this is the 1st girl singers I've ever seen dancing with sneakers instead of high heels in k-music...well, just as far as I have seen though. BUT it was totally destroyed by the magnae's chest pumps.

HELLO, HELLO. CHEST PUMPS. CHEST PUMPS?????

A young woman did chest pumps??? And the youngest of the four at that!!! OMG what were they thinking, making such a young woman did chest pumps?? EWWWWW!!!! Totally inappropriate both for me & my meimei!!!

Btw their style are so...uh....BB horrible style. They might think it's funky but not for me....


I suddenly remember my drema last night. I was in a kind of military team consisted of 3 women & a man as the team captain. One of the other women was Li Yu Chun, the famous chinese androgyny singer (I mean she's a total tomboy). I was the one with the heaviest weapon sets too. Just like Vasquez in the old movie "Alien". The setting was in a modern city below a hill or mountain,and we were armies in an academy that, weirdly, was focused in languages. So all projects were about language & how to overcome language barriers.


.....ROFLMAO much?


Seriously, armies in language academy?



Well. Random dream but quite entertaining I should say.


Okay so I have enough rantings for the day. Let's go back to (ugh!) mandarin now.

Zhao ju zhao ju...


I'll call it a day now.

Day 9: ..........annoying

Hi there...

I AM SLEEPY!!!!

And that's all because of my friend Siska, who made me wait for hours in msn!!

Lemme tell you the whole story...


It was around 11 am when i was chatting with ShinyIslandMan as usual when Siska poked me. She told me that she's a bit agitated....scared perhaps, since next week is her finals and she'll start her internship soon. She said she's worried of the job, probably because she knows no one at her interns place, and she's scared to be separated with her best friend Ci Yenny.

The last one really makes me annoyed.

Ok, knowing her, I understand she'll feel scared and nervous since she's so much like me when I was her age. She's timid, shy, innocent, but curious as well.
Ci Yenny is a master student in the same school as her, about 3 years older than me, and apparently such an important figure for her: an older sister, best friend, advisor. Ok, I don't mind. What irritated me is instead of be more mature and independent, she's only became too dependent to ci Yenny.





Siska, what's the point of schooling abroad if you don't try to spread your wings, expand your knowledge, polish your skills...and most of all, be independent and mature by your own way?

Honestly, I'm disapointed with you. I try to understand, really, what's wrong with you? Did something bad happened and made you traumatized or you are always this weak-willed?

And by the way.....just before I could give her one or two decent advices, she was gone offline, said she needed to go back to dorm and will be online again in 10.

She did online again....at 3 am Indonesian time.

She has made me waiting for hours, after making me worried of her, and thank God this girl still know how to apologize. But then she was brb again to shower for about an hour. I was half-dead already, it was 4 am!!!!
At least I still have ShinyIslandMan to talk to while waiting for this girl.

Siska, you never acted like this before. I'm not asking you to respect me, only to appreciate other people's care and concern for you. Are you really that stressed until you, who always polite to elders, started to act slightly rude to me?


Nevertheless, I'm still annoyed until now. I guess I do hold grudges for long~


By the way, ShinyIslandMan also got a problem with someone younger than her XD that girl is around Siska's age, she's a Polish living in Lithuania. She commented on SIM's entry in polish, suddenly talking to her as if they know each other for a long time while SIM doesn't even recognize her :P then when she found out SIM makes headers and animated icons, she was suddenly "asked" for her to make Big Bang icons.

ROFLMAO much?

SIM never made BB icons, dear~ <3 she might be listening to their songs but not a fan, so your request is impossible...and excessive considering you didn't even use "please" and uninvited.

It doesn't have to be elderly to say "youngsters these days are impolite/rude, doing anything they want without respect to elders"


And mandarin still killing me!!! >.<

I'm so sleepy right now, and that's all that girl's fault for keeping me awake until 4 am!!



Enough ranting, now is mandarin time! I'll call it a day now.

Day 8: Uh....I have no idea really...

Good day~

Woah, it's been a REALLY long time...

So many things happened during those days I was absent updating I eventually forgot what I wanted to write :P
I guess I'll write whatever I have in mind (isn't that the point of writing journal??)

First of all, the thing that happened recently and I still remember the most. I'm one of the moderators of a community in LJ: minnie_a_day. Basically the mods have to post one pic of Sungmin everyday and we have made a rotation turn for each of mods, we have 5 mods here. I got Thursday and that's the day I usually update. The starter of the comm is Jan, my Philippine friend. Since she is the starter she usually updates the most and also covers when the other mods can't update. Aside of the 5 mods ( Jan, ai_sumairu, sungminxx, hotarumyst and I) we also have an uploader, catchmyambition, though she doesn't want to be a mod. Anyway she's really helpful.

The roblem is: last week I got a surprise. After I posted at 21th May, no one post anything until catchmyambition posted at 27th (wednesday). I admit I was ignorant as well, only realizing it when I updated at thursday although I do feel something was amiss. And I was totally confused after that. Like I said, Jan usually covers when the otehrs can't post...so where is she?

Luckily I have her msn & I contacted her there. She said she's busy and really, it doesn't matter, we all have our business too and I'm not surprised. WHat really caught me was the total blank in a week. And one more thing: hotarumyst still updates her own LJ (and DA) with her arts. Which brought up a question: why doesn't she update in our comm? She's one of the mods, for God's sake!!! D:<

In the edn, Jan and I decided to contact the three other mods. Before I did so though, I checked the comm again to make sure of things. I found that ai_sumairu is still updating, only missing a week when she had exams and I found the proof in her LJ. Okay so I didn't need to contact her. As for sungminxx, Jan said she's very busy with school and rarely updates her own LJ, this one also true but I still send her a message to tell her about the problems and her availability in the mods jobs.

I've decided to be a little harsh to hotarumyst since this girl is our biggest problem. She's 14, an artist that often updates with her arts, still in school, but rarely updates in our comm....I think she needs to learn about responsibility again. 14 is old enough to know about this thing.
So far both of them haven't replied yet, so I'll see when the time comes.

2nd problem is.....seems like I myself am not good in managing my own schedules, which will be dangerous in the future. I often browsing the net, too captivated I presume, but still too lazy to do my mandarin homeworks, to check my wardrobe, to re-read my welcome booklet, to try ironing with my aunt's iron, to read a lot of books that mountain my room....and the worst of all of them: I know it is bad but I'm still doing it.


.....I must say I'm very sad & disapointed with the fact.


I'm a 23 years old woman, I should've be a mature woman like my age. I know I have responsibilities, I have my duties, ad yet still lazing around.


I tell myself over and over agian if I keep slacking off it'll be bad in the future, that it'll be bad for me & those around me, plus it's not good for my health too.

And I'm still like this.


Praying to God won't help either, since it's useless to wish upon something but not doing anything to reach your goals.

Basically it's my biggest problem now...


My 3rd problem (not that I remember), is not actually a big problem.....or maybe not yet. I just saw my friend Allentine pictures of a party in Glion. Well. It's scaring me a bit since Europeans drink a lot and there are bottles of alcohol everywhere. Of course I can avoid too much drinking....I'm just hoping I won't be dragged too deep. I don't want to be a party animal or a drunkard or whatever bad things. And I'm sure I can trust Allentine to take care of herself. God bless us to stay true to ourselves....


....and I really have no idea what to write again for now. I'll edit this entry if I remember other things i have to add here.


So for now.....I'll call it a day.

Day 7: chatting, friend, birthday

It's been a long time....


So yeah, every time I want to write something here, there were always some things up.....from the silliest to funniest I even forgot already what those were.
Sometimes I think I'm scatterbrain that way....

Anyway today is my birthday, I'm officially older (not that I'm not old XD) but I'm happy! Last night right at 00:00, my family came to my room with a chocolate cake & candles. My room smelt like burnt candles for a while but at least we ate the cake outside. But actually I was chatting with my cousin at the time. She's getting married next year and asked me to help her choose a gown from the designs she had chose herself. A hard task since they are all sooo pretty!!!

It seems that she has a problem choosing gown because of her soon-to-be mother-in-law. She prefers something simple yet elegant while her mother-in-law wants something....hmmm.....how to put it....elegant & luxurious I guess. I prefer her style though, I never liked too luxurious dresses. I sometimes wonder when I will tie the knot too, hahahaha~ obviously will take a long long time since I'm still happily single right now :P

Another problem is she's planning to get married by next summer & I don't know if I can make it to be her bridemaid since it's the time for my internship. I'm not exactly sure, but obviously it'll start at summer break as usual internship would do. I hope I can make it, I really want to see her in her wedding dress~


Back to birthday topic.....I got a lot of love from my facebook friends today XDD I've replied almost all of them one by one. Sounds crazy? Not for me. I wnat to appreciate all of them. Besides, I'm kinda free. Kinda.

And tonight I got another surprise: my good ol' friend Ochol added my MSN and we suddenly chat a lot about the old days and now XDD Funny how happy I am with such a simple thing. Maybe this is because I missed my old friends & he was one of the closest friends I've got when I was little.....only if you put aside his pranks. Agh....
But he's funny as ever XD some things never change I see, and I'm grateful for that.
Btw we are still chatting now but he is being brb to take a bath~

The next time they held primary school reunion again, they have to invite me!


As for now, as I write this entry, I'm also reading the 2009-2010 catalogue of GIHE, my soon-to-be school in Switzerland. I'm trying to choose which subject I will take. I think this catalogue is a bit different from last year's. I've noticed there are less subjects to take for PG students, which actually is advantageous for me, I was confused for a while of which subject to take. I only have minimum 36 credits but there are much more credits I have to take, just because there are a lot of subjects I wanted to take. With less subjects available, it's easier for me to choose.

I hope I won't fail any class. The school fee is expensive, VERY, so I have to do my best. JIA YOU!!


Speaking of studying, I think I want to complain about laoshi again. Once again I said she's too demanding!!! And she forgot which part I have to learn & memorize, so what I has studied last night was almost, ALMOST ALL, useless. Hhh......but what exactly I can say? She's not a young woman, she's my mom's age. If she's forgetful, then it's the work of nature, and she's an elder to me so I can't get angry no matter how annoyed I was.

Well, not exactly :P

I did protest at her. She gave me too much zuo ye!!! Writing a letter, making 13 zhao ju, memorizing about 35 vocabs (and what I've memorized are the ke wen), plus memorizing a short poetry by Li Bai!!! Huh, I was up until 3 AM just because memorizing the ke wen.....granted taht I love Li Bai's poetries but still....
Then during class today what she told me to do convo with were the previous ke wen....argh!!!!

And like I said, I can't do anything about it.

If I tell this to ShinyIslandMan, she probably will scold me again for being so passive & "too polite to someone who take advantage of you". Uh-huh, I know that. But it' smy nature & it's a habit that hard to change.

I'm glad I've decided to write a blog, I really need a place to let out all feelings kept within this heart-mind-soul that I couldn't let out.




I'll call it a day for now~

Day 6: shopping, friends

Today is....a so-so day at first and a happy day now as I write this~


I went to Artha with mom to buy some fruits and a purse I've been wanting to buy since a long time (but mom always declined, said that I will fine it cheaper at MangDu). I saw my dream purse at Elizabeth but at the time it was so expensive....about 300.000rupiah! No wonder mom said that...

But when we arrived, the purse wasn't there anymore. I was totally pissed off and mom can sense that, she knew how much I wanted the purse but because she drived me off again & again now it was already sold out. So mom offered to go to Elizabeth at MKG, maybe we wil find it there. Before that, we went to Diamond to buy some fruits, milk and other necesary things.


Luckily, I found that purse at Elizabeth MKG (and yes, the price is still 300.000) but I don't care and we bought it at last. Here's the pic of that purse. I have my reasons to buy it: it is big enough I don't have to fold my money, has lots of pockets to slip cards inside, and it is thick and save!


I forgot to mentione it before but yesterday I also bought another dress. This one is simple and casual, just a grey dress without any patterns on it. I like it for its simplicity (and because I'm fascinated with dresses lately).

And tonight I found some childhood friends from primary school in facebook! O.O and some of tehm actually went to a small reunion at MKG last week....WHYYYYY didn't I know anything about it?? Chan2 why didn't you tell meeee???? I missed them so much!! Why it is only now I found them while I've been searching them for a long long time?? T_______________T

Anyway

As I see it from the bright side, I found some old friends via that friend, Fani. YAY!!! I'm still happy~


I'll call it a day now, I still have mandarin homework to do~

Day 5: shopping, food, headache, prayer

I wonder if it's a good day....


Well, obviously yesterday was a good day. I chatted with ShinyIslandMan, as usual, but that was the first time we talked about fashion XD we both love Korean fashion though she loves tomboy and casual style while I like both casual and dresses....
She was complaining of how her mom doesn't approve her clothing style, auntie wants her to wear dresses like me :P

See, this is my dress~
Auntie wants her to wear something like this (ShinyIslandMan told me so).

To be honest I'm a bit embarrassed too, this one seems so flowery but since she said it's not childish and I will look good in it, okay then.

Btw ever since I bought this one, I started to enjoy looking at dresses. Before I wasn't confident enough to wear dresses, skirts or shorts. I only wear jeans. But now I guess it's about time I give it a try. I'm old enough to do so 0(^.^)0

Anyway, today I went shopping with mom at Mangga Dua. Originally we wanted to buy stockings and purse for me, plus looking around just in case we find some nice sweaters for winter. In the end, I bought a simple grey dress, mom bought a blouse, and it was only much later when we decided to go home when we finally found a kiosk that sells stockings, socks and tights (which are what I bought). Mom said I should wear dresses more often since I'm "still young, beautiful and fair-skinned". Aiya....

Anyway ever since we found out I have cholesterol problem, I've been trying to eat oatmeal at least once a day. I like oatmeals, I can eat it with whatever foods available in my house as long as it has broth or a soup. Yesterday I ate oatmeal with opor and today I ate it twice with burger meat and cap cay (however I suppose to write it anyway?).

But the so-called lowering cholesterol rate (I don't know how to write this either) was epically failed when mom decided we will buy KFC for me & gege's lunch. Oh man.....and here I thought I could skip junk foods for a while......

And then, I don't know why, the moment we reached home, I got massive headache. My head was pounding (and perhaps still is now, I'm not sure), maybe because we got home late and I'm not used to eat late like that. It was already 4 PM when I finished lunch and bathed, it was too late to catch a nap so I just browsed internet and played Coffee Buzzed as usual.

Well, at least I'm not in a total bad mood like the other day.

Btw dad lost his StarOne sim card. Why are all the men in my house so careless and ignorant??? Like father like son.......


I was chatting with Siska for a while before I write this, she is eating dinner now. Since I often online, she always seeks for advices to me.

I want to pray a bit here, since I usually can't even open my heart enough to see things in my heart.

Lord, I want to thank You for letting me feel like this. Ever since I was little I always let people take advantage of me. I let my childhood friends copied homeworks I had done with so much efforts and they didn't even thank me. I let them ignored me after all I've done to them. However during my later days, You has made them open my eyes of how annoying I was being. Now I am changed and I hope for the good. I often feel lonely, which I know mostly because my friends are already working or because they still think I'm the annoying girl from the past, I try not to care too much. Lord, I thank You for giving me blessings, for letting me develop the thought of trying to see everything form every sides available. I am most grateful that I can share my past experiences to my younger friends: ShinyIslandMan, Ari and Siska. I feel like an older sister for them and I really grateful for the chance You're giving to me.
I am grateful I have Widi as my friend, even though I feel neglected at times, it's always me who calls her and never her to me. I understand though, she is more charming and friendly, she has a lot of friends who care. I'm not the only one but I'm still happy and proud she still sees me important.
Lord, I know I'm materialistic, I always greedy and selfish, always want more and more than I should have to. Still, this is what You gave me to control myself, I trust You and I know this is an imprtant lesson from You. I love You for every single thing You gave me and plan for me, whatever it will be. Please guide my way so that I still can be myself and not walk into the wrong path.

Amen.


I'll call it a day now.