A new work has come....

So I guess now I have some good news and bad news.

I finally found a job in Kempinski Private Residences at HI. Sounds prestigious and cool, no? I thought so too, but perhaps I think too much....or at the very least feels happy too fast. Actually, I am happy that at least I'm no longer unemployed, that I finally able to make money on my own.

Honestly it's actually not that bad, if you count I will mostly stay in back office once I got used to everything and my new job but for the time being I have to stay at FO again. Now here's the disaster. Kempinski is a huuuuuuuge company, well known around the world. Unfortunately this particular establishment has a lot of problems that, if you ask me, my honest answer would be agreeing with the tenants: that it is entirely too expensive for such crappy facilities. So many problems here, now I actually thinking whether this is something I want or not.

My own BO team itself is actually great, every colleague is great. Just that my manager is a tad bit.....OCD? A neat freak that is super perfectionist that will not tolerate mess. At all. Though she's super funny and has a lot of clumsy moment, which always leads to a good laugh for every lucky person witnessing it.  Yet she's also very strict and capable at work. So I guess her points will be a so-so one. As long as she's not a biased person and actually can lead and tutor, she's ok.

But I'm not happy with my crazy working hours in the office. Since there's a management change from the Hotel to GI, which is in progress now, everything is super messy and there are a lot of wars in BO. Not to mention a lot of problems the buildings itself provided to us every day. Every freaking day I have to go home past 7....my working hours supposed to be only until 6!!! And it's extra tiring since I have to go home with Busway that always full every time I ride it. No wonder I'm sick now....and it's only getting worse I guess.

So if someone ask whether I enjoy the work or not, my answer is I have no idea. Seriously. I'm not even started my own part as a TR because I stay in the FO for 1 month. We'll see. If it's bad bad bad I guess I won't continue my contract after a year.

Wish me luck, yeah?

Bissous!

God has His own plan. RIP Papi Acun...

Another beloved family member has gone....

It's hard. It's really hard, and I didn't expect this at all.

He was my aunt's husband, and despite their youngest daughter is one of the closest cousins to me, and my own aunt is one of the closest family members, I was never close to him at all. I used to think that he was a big man with loud voice, sometimes obnoxious, but never went to borderline annoying to the point I don't want to see at all. In fact, he was a nice man and perhaps I just have a different view because he was so different to my own dad.

But there was no doubt he was a nice man and loving husband and dad, my cousin never forgot to mentioned it was because of him and her mom that she is such a devoted kind-hearted Christian girl now. He had a big ego, one that I couldn't blame at all with his status. Perhaps the defaults that I can see were he didn't really care about his health, loved to eat anything, and quite spoilt/whiny when he suffered. I remembered the first time he got heart stroke.

To me, because I wasn't close to him like I said, I was a bit indifferent when he was admitted to the hospital the second time, again due to heart stroke. Am I cruel to feel that way? I honest;y don't know. In fact, I feel bad more toward my cousins. Ci Ira was still hardly accepting of Engkong's death last December, and right before Xin Jia she lost her dad in law too. Now she lost her own father, and she took it really hard. She is kinda like me, I can see it. Everyone pity Dina the most though, she is getting married this April, supposedly on her birthday, but God has other plan.....I wish I can say it's not fair that he couldn't walk his baby daughter through the aisle, walking to her new life with Benny. I can't though, I know God has His own reasons and I believe it's for the family's own good.

I still wish this can happen differently though.

But we all know if we force him to live, fight through all his condition with machines and medicines, he won't be more than a vegetable. If anything he will suffer more, and it will sadden his family more. So God, You actually really nice to call him in his sleep. He walked through Your gate peacefully, reunited with our already passed family members. And I know everyone up there will be proud of him for such a strong family he had built with all his love and strength.

Where do I go with this entry, I don't even know. I guess I just want to rant, try to convince myself that I have to accept this fact. That he is no longer with us, yet he is in the arms of our beloved God now. I try to soothe this heavy heart. Again, why do I even have a heavy heart when I felt so indifferent?

I guess the answer is family. I grew up watching him there in every family gathering, and it has built a sense of closeness, a family tie that made me recognized him as a family.

God, You has freed him from all his pain. Please bless all of us with your strength, help us to face what I think as Your plan to bind our family together.

Beloved Papi Acun, I know we were never close before but know that you are still family and my beloved uncle. You have made my aunt so happy with the three children, whom gave you grandchildren and complete your life. Dina will be happy with Benny, he will take care of her well, and I hope you won't feel regretful that you can't be there for the wedding (as I'm sure you feel this way).


Rest in Peace, Papi Acun. I love you.....

Mata, hisashiburi....

Ohisashiburi....

Can't believe my last post is almost 2 years back, I wish I have the habit of regularly updating. Might as well start now I guess.

Just got back from my interview with Hyatt. I guess I can say it went well? It's obvious what they want from me is my Japanese, and even the Director told me so. Time to open Minonggo agaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn.....

And I'm glad the 2 maids are at least here to help now, I'm seriously worried about mom. She didn't say anything but with her history of hurt kneecaps and all, better not risk it. Not to mention I can't help a lot either because the mosquitoes just love me. A freaking lot.

I'm still tired after the interview, I think I'll just play some games tonight & some chapters in Minonggo, if I'm in the mood. I'm not even sure if I want Hyatt though, but the location makes things easier somewhat & it's nice to see that they appreciate my Japanese. What if I get another one from, say, Bali? God, I dunno. Jakarta is obviously convenient but in the matter of hospitality, Bali is better. Too many pros and cons to list & me is too lazy to do it tonight.

I'm going for the games now.

I'll call it a day, before my head explodes.

Day 30: Disappointed

My dear, I really need to train myself to update things regularly.


As usual since it's been a long time I'm not updating, there are a lot of things I need to share.

Graduation day. Now this is a big problem to every PG students here. The Board has changed the date and make our graduation day at 21st May!!! How ridiculous is that??? Graduation day before final exam?? Did they not think about the possibility of someone failed? What about resits & retake?! Besides, what kind of fun is that when they hold something like this before the horror of exam....

Worse, I told my parents about this this afternoon. And they said they probably won't come because there is no reason for visiting anymore. Oh Jesus I really want to go to Vatican together with my family!! This is a once in a life time opportunity, why did it end up like this??? They seriously not thinking about us who live far away from Switz, how nice is that!!! They did not even listen to us when some of us decided to discuss about this with oh our so lovely program leader, whom we can not trust anymore.

Case number two, I finally got my F&B Admin grade, which I have totally butchered up during final exam. I wonder if I should take a math course or something, surely the problem is not about I'm bad at calculation. I mean, I did that a lot during high school and even without calculator!!! 4 years of no calculations in university has somewhat ruined my skills I guess. Anyway, thanks to my project grade & the fact that they made it 60% project & 40% final exam, I still can pass. OMG my exam grade is horrible, thank God I got a great team ...

Case number three. My roomie is being impossible again. I know I complain a lot about her being too noisy & too focused on herself, that's why I always stay in the library until late these days, so she can call anyone she wants to, can listen to music as loud as she wants to, can invite some friends to the room.......and now she said she can't be my roomie anymore because I'm too QUIET to her liking. She said she frustrated because of that. Why is she so weird?? I gave her her space already and now she wants to kick me out of the room. She even asked the Student Affair already without telling me first. How nice....
But anyway, I can't live with her anymore if she is going to be like that. What a spoiled girl.

On the other hand, I finally will go to Spain for midterm break. Not my first choice of place, but what can I do? Too many things happened and so little time to do everything at once. I have no other choice....and I'm travelling with these kids that sometimes annoy me because they keep asking me about everything but not doing anything by themselves, as if I'm the tour leader. Well, they are still kids, what can I say?

As for internship, I don't even know where I wanted to have it anymore. Currently waiting the response of Marriott New Orleans and Dubai. Just applied to Pan Pacific Singapore, Seattle and Wyndham Xiamen too. I'm still hoping for Marriott though, I always wanted the best one. Or maybe I'm just greedy.


Due to the trip to Spain, I guess I can't celebrate Easter properly. Forgive me, God. I hope we still can go to Church a bit during the week. Hopefully we can have a safe trip.

Winter clock ends today. Less sleep for 1 hour, at least this is weekend. I'm still a bit tired after walking until Chateu de Chillon today...


Will call it a day now.

Day 29: Is in dilemma...

My dearest friend


Maybe that's how I should call this blog from now on, hehehe~

I just started reading Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl last Friday, still continuing now, and I'm still surprised as of why I didn't start reading it sooner. I knew about Anne Frank since I was in junior high school if I;m not mistaken, I remember I found the book, the old version in Sanur's library. I remember opened it and look at some entries, maybe because the book was the old one, I ended up not interested. Funny how now I seemed to be can't be separated from Nazi-themed things. Last winter I visited the Anne Frank house, the Secret Annexe, in Amsterdam. It was pretty much an overwhelming experience. I almost couldn't hold my tears, one visitor even broke down crying. You really can feel how intense it was, how in such a small and comfortable (or maybe quite big but not so comfortable) place a young girl was living there for about two years in fear and also every kind of emotions she has experienced there.

Then after that I visited Auschwitz in Poland with my dearest best buddy the Cool Cat. Perhaps because it wasn't so cold, it was sunny day in winter, it was in the afternoon and Cool Cat promised to kick me if I shed a tear, I wasn't feeling sad at all. Maybe I was bracing myself and forced myself to be strong because I knew it would be another intense feeling trip. Nevertheless, I feel so lucky I'm able to visit one of the most horrible place in the history. God has permit me to arrive here & there safely, has blessed me to understand the horror of Nazi in the past, He allowed me to be safe and to see things by myself. I shouldn't complaining of small things should I?

Even though I said so, I'm still complaining about things in my life now. Well, I'm a human and that how a human is.

Is it?

Or is it just an excuse?


I will change the topic now.

We finally got our F&B admin project's grades. I was so relieved when I saw I got 9.6 for individual grade and 9.5/10 for the whole group. If my individual grade is indeed 9.6, it will be such a great help to boost my exam! I mean, I'm not good at numbers and the exam is full of calculations. I have to worry about this.

As for operations management, I have to say I am very very very satisfied! This is the first time I did a presentation and the audience really enjoyed it, and even laughed so hard. I have to admit this is all thanks to Steven. He was annoying because of his attitudes and curses but he knows how to do the work well, making the PPT in one night, giving ideas for funny clips......I never be able to do that. Now I' worried if I can do marketing well.  Anyway, even Mr. Schofield praised us.

Next week I will have both exam in the same day. God help me, I will study hard so I won't get resits again like last semester. Enough is enough.

Not to mention I just found out I had spent 500 chf until now!!! I think I will just go to Lyon for midterm, makes my life much easier.

I have so many things to write in 1 journal.

Now it's about graduation day. I can't believe this school!! They changed the graduation day from 4th June until before final exam!! What kind of graduation is that?? There's no way we can celebrate our graduation with so much anxiety for exams.....and even resits. What if there's someone who failed??? This is ridiculous. And even sadder is, how ignorant our friends can be. The other day we had a meeting with our program leader to talk about this, but only 1 people came! I understand those who have CBL, it was their last day and they have to prepare everything. But the others??? Simply didn't come, even though they complained about it a lot. Too much money to spend huh?


Another thing: internship

I got rejected from Ritz-Carlton Penha Longa Portugal. I guess it's a good thing. Even though the place, the payment & the accommodation isn't that good, but I want the name! It will look good in my CV later of course! But I have no idea where I want to have my internship now. I'm thinking about a lot of places: Switz, USA, Japan, Canada, Singapore, China.......hmmm......my priority is Switz, USA and Singapore I guess. I would say Canada and Japan would be almost impossible, considering the nature of the Japanese. Besides the RC over there told me they don;t accept internship student when I called. On the other hand, I'm still waiting a reply form RC Boston & Singapore, and also from Kempinski Geneva & Sanya. I need to send more. Massive sending always good at this rate~

Last thing: mid term break

I was thinking to go with Pailin etc for a tour of German, Prague, Austria tour but I;m worried they will call me for interview at the time. So....I guess even though I want to go, I have to cancel it and make another plan. I can just go to Lyon, it's near, and maybe visit Sha in Paris for a moment? Besides, I'm getting worried that Ray has became quite clingy to me. I hope Ruhafzo's fortune telling isn't true. He;s not my type & he has a girlfriend. Not a good idea at all.


..........it;s too long already so I will write about Ron & Felix tomorrow I guess.


I will call this a day and hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day.

Day 28: Not funny, it's snowing again....

My dear, today I started with annoying things


My roomie, who is always stressed these days, left in a hurry, made a lot of noises when preparing herself, and left without making her bed or turning off the bed lamp & desk lamp. Which were attacking my eyes like crazy. God, she's worse than my previous roomie...

And when I finally went out, it was snowing and still snowing until now.

And I was happy we don't have slippery grounds anymore....or should I say we didn't have...


Anyway, today I just got interviewed for the Ritz Carlton company, the Penha Longa in Portugal. Honestly, Portugal isn't even in my interest but I really want Ritz Carlton!!! I'm in love with RC since I started working in Starbucks PPL.....despite it being in a relation with Mariott.

It looks good, yes?

They said it's smaller than the ones in Spain but still looks cozy. I need to ask David more about this. Like I said, my point is not Portugal, it is Ritz Carlton.


But if I got recruited, I have to start in June until December. Then I won't be able to attend Fina's wedding T_______________T
Despite all of that, I have no idea why but I started to feel hopeful and excited. I still have to send some CVs though, who knows.....they probably won't accept me. I wonder what will they see with those general questions, I hope they can see I'm genuine (or should I say gullible nad naive?)


Now that this interview passed....at least I can concentrate with operations management. Hopefully, really hopefully, it will end well....


Pray for me, my dear....

Day 27: @____@

Oh God, I'm really not cut to write in a blog obviously...


ANyway, my life is pretty much....frustrating. Though I'm sure it's because I have time management problem.

I just finished CBL last week, finally finished with all lacking of sleep, super tired days with morning classes to attend (never not attend one, yay!!), and on top of it all....finished with my allergy!!!

Not exactly finished but....at least I won't get in touch with the allergens anymore.

ANd now, I need to focus on projects and internship hunting.

Project wise, both are challenges for me. In operations, some of my group mates are frustrating, especially a certain someone who talks a lot but rarely shows up in meeting. What a pain. Not to mention this project doesn't go to the way it supposed to be...

F&B......this is hard also since it's full of calculations. Oh God.....I think i need to take a math course, I didn't have such a big problem with calculations in high school. $ years without figures sure can make you senile.


As for internship....


Bye bye, Canada. If only you're not so picky in term of students, I will definitely go there.

Bye bye, EU......with the very same reason with Canada, plus why don't you accept Asians???

So...USA? My friend said it'll be easier since we will go through agency but how far we can go I have no idea. Thanks to those "people", my country has a bad image in the states as far as I know. Bah...

And my family will skin my alive if I even try to try Middle East or India or Africa (I'm not interested either).

SO.....final choices??


USA, Japan, China, Taiwan, Singapore......and my own country.


And I don't know what to say anymore.


I need to ask Junesea & Sebastien to send me the CBL pics...


Need to go back now, either to project or bed, The latter is more tempting....



I will call it a day....

Day 26: Why so manyyyy??

Yes, why so many works to do?

Supervision.....we have to prepare for the debate (yuck, debate again!)

RD...I have final so can't really complain about that.

Basic accounting....guh, I barely can do any reviewing right now. Too many things to do!!

F&B.....I was planning to do it tonight but I guess I have to delay it until Thursday night because of contemp issue!!

Contemp issue.....ugh, so many materials to read & understand by heart. Just like NIcolas had said. That guy surely knows a lot....

English....nah, nothing too much to care for now. I already finished like 80 % anyway.

Speaking of contemp issue, I have group study with Snoopy, K, T, Audrey & Liko this afternoon. I feel bad for them since I didn't understand the coca cola case study and I only managed to print the cruise line ppt this morning (I feel like killing those machines!!!). I feel so useless, guilty and like a freeloader since I couldn't say anything much.

But I'm glad we can do group study. I don't think I can manage to read & understand the whole materials by myself, with my stupid brain and what.

Another thing. I got so easily distracted, so pathetic of me. I was too entranced watching the cute scenes in THJ last night and this was what I got today. So I guess this is God's punishment for me. I will do better and be responsible next time...

So yeah....need to book flights to Netherland and Poland too. Plus, counting how much expenses I will get by the end of this year. I don't think I want to see....prices in Montreux are more expensive, I'm worried I'll become much more stingier than now.

But if it's for good, I don't care.

Hectic weeks just started, plus the cold weather.....I hope I can survive and do much better.


Stole this cute gif/pic form lj today, so cute!!! Credit goes to dubulove and whoever created the file~





Now back to study study and studdyyyy!!! I don't want to disappoint them anymore! Feels like a retarded already this afternoon, better do better next time!

Day 25: Rain rain...

It's so cold here lately....I guess it's time to take Mr. Bear out...

Today was pretty tiring at least for me. I woke up almost late, and I guess I really don't have anything to do with them anymore since they didn't knock my door anymore. Not that I care, really.

For RD, finally I got the mark for the project. Got 7.58 in total, so if I have to sum it up with the mid term exam result, I will still get 7 (round it up). Which means I still have to work hard for final. At least we won't have guest accounting anymore. Maybe it'll be better that way, I'm not sure.

As for supervision....I'm still thinking, should I take HR or not? Maybe it's better if I stick with FO? Because today in supervision we have another group learning, discussing...not that it was really bad or sort, I just found that I don't like it that much. I prefer group studying outside the class. As for inside the class, I prefer passive learning like usual. I'm more of a listener than a talker (which finally have to say something anyway since my zhongguo friends are basically voiceless when it comes to group discussion *sigh*).

So far what I have in mind for internship are FO, HR and marketing. The last one would only happen if I can take marketing next semester. And if next semester I can take CBL Housekeeping, I think I prefer that one than services in kitchen & restaurant. I like cooking but with my own space & pace, please. And the option to take internship in Toronto still applied. Last night Nink came to my room to talk about managing events with Phuong. Well, thanks to her & her bf, maybe my second option would be either SK or China. Japan not so appealing to me anymore, thanks to several discussions I had before, and maybe Thailand isn't a bad option either.

I also talked with several PG2 students: Promise, Laura, Hannah.....well, they gave good infos about Glion life.

I feel like I really want to work right now but I still have semester 2 to cover. I think I already reached the age where I prefer to work rather than studying. But the question from the few months back is still the same.

Do I want to work in this industry or not?


Not sure about the answer but yeah.....cover semester 2, internship, then I will think about it. I guess I can make the real decision only after I entered internship.

Maybe I will also take RD Management next semester. Mom & dad doubt HR too anyway.

*sigh*


Exams are near......contemp issue this week.


HWAITING!!!!


Gotta study now, and group study tomorrow...


I'll call it a day now. See you next time!

Day 24: WHAT??

O__________________o



1 month already????


Right. I have been busy with college: reports, projects, presentations and every single stress (plus other things) included in 1 free package from my lovely campus.

At least I have finished most of my projects & presentations. Still have 1 F&B project and 1 english presentation though.

As a result I don't have time to draw pics or write short stories per request by the cool cat. Or should I call her the kluski now? XDD

I have several interesting things to write I think. Just....when is the time? Guh....

Feels so tired physically & mentally.....


First final exam: Contemporary issue in 2 weeks!! JIA YOU!!! FIGHTING!!!!

Day 23: I'm feeling better~

Yea, I'm finally feeling better. After a lot of tears, lonely feelings, walk around the town, routine counseling which still last until now, chatting with parents and e-mails from Ruhafzo...


And finally.....I think I can say I've started a new life as a more independent (and perhaps uncaring?) person.


I don't care anymore if they leave me alone again, like what just happened last week, I don't care anymore if they ignoring me, if they won't talk to me. Whatever. It's their choice and my life. As a result, I'm not crying anymore now. Okay, maybe at times but in general, no. I also feel more free than before. How stupid of me to stick with them all the time, it wasn't worth it. Not with that snobbish girl who doesn't understand that I'm different with her. Or maybe she understands and doesn't like it. The point is, she's ignoring me & make it a very obvious one too.

But I also a lot more closer with my other friends. These days, I feel particularly close with Audrey, Ruhafzo, Gina, Thi, and the last ones are Sherry and KangHo. I even planning to go to eat Korean food together with Sherry and KangHo. Funny, because it was just today I talked a lot with them (and being dorks in general) with them.

But in general, I'm happy I'm close to them. They are different with my last group of friends, I feel more free....but I also need to remind myself to be careful and know my limits, I don't want to repeat those sad feelings again.

And today I have done Rooms Division presentation. They said I did a good job but I actually think I was so nervous and it was quite obvious. Well. I'm happy too, because I've done my 1st presentation with so multi-cultural group members. I finally learned about them and even can talk leisurely with Julian, Inna & Vadim. I thought I will regret this but now I can see it from the bright side. Thank you, God, for giving me this precious opportunity!!!


But at the same time, I got a bad news: I didn't pass my Rooms Division test T_________T I only got 6.3...

I know we still have the presentation mark & the final assessment but still....if I started this bad, I'm getting worried of what will happen afterward. I hope I can be better.


Now, another good news of the day: I got my B permit! Yay!! So I can go to Paris!

Although my interest in going is limited with the fact that I have to go with her & endure a lot of branded shopping....now I'm thinking that maybe I should just go during winter break so that I can stay at Marsha's place? I can use this mid term break as a chance to explore Switzerland. Or go to Ik Yang's place in Netherlands?
I'm still thinking.....

Another bad news now: I have another basic accounting test this Thursday and it'll be hell because I'm already depressed of those depreciation things. Sometimes I wonder why I'm taking this class....

Another good news: program leader said they maybe can do something to my allergy for CBL. And she said I can take a look for the schedule in academic catalog. So....bad news: I probably will finished by 11th Dec the latest. Good news: I will finish next semester by the 4th of June so I can attend Fina's wedding!!!! OMG best news so far!!!!


So for today, I'm generally feeling good after a lot of joking with my adorkable friends~

I'll call it a day now XD

Day 22: T______________T

Aku rasa aku punya kelenjar air mata super d...


See, it happened again!!! I'm crying again now.....

I'm really really confused....


I mean, I finally see some brightness today. I'm happy Julian shares the same view with me. He said he's also think Russian couple aren't contributing enough when it was her who started all of this at the 1st place. He even offered to talk to Mabillon if the situation stays like this...and to tell him that all of these are his & mine presentation but not theirs. Now that one is a bit extreme but in a sense, it's true. Hello, those two left us when we haven't done any work yet and only back at Thursday!!

And Julian even comfort me when I told him I'm worried with such a short time. I told him I'm worried since I've never done this before, that I'm nervous about presentation, that I can;t do this in the last minute...and he said I need to relax & I'll be fine during presentation bcoz he understands my english.

For the last line, I feel bad because he compared me with yesterday's supervision presentation. He said he didn't understand anything since the group's english is really bad and accented. But I can't blame them....they are all Chinese/Taiwanese that, except Kurt, are still have their accents. Poor Jeffrey, it was his birthday yesterday and the presentation was deemed bad...


On to top it all....I found out my stupid bunny leader Jay left his group today, due to misunderstandings. Now this is one thing I can understand....because his messages were about culture shock & homesick during his teenage days and as an American, he was very blunt in the way he talked about them. People just too quick to judge things.....and now he left to Seattle to sort his feelings out. And the fans started to feel bad because they later found he had changed his feelings and everything.

I wonder if I'm like that too now.....only, as an Asian born, I'm more introvert about it.


And as a result, I often cry.


Maybe in a sense it's a good thing? I can let out my feelings somewhat....

And Phuong has learned to leave me alone at times like this, thank God. I prefer that way...so I won't feel guilty making my friends, who are already busy with their own projects, worried about me.

And another factor of my tears, still related to darkness, is about the lights in our room. I think we don't have enough light, what about winter?? I hope it won't increase my minus eyes...


Dear Jesus, please help me gain more strength. How can I understand others when I can't even understand myself? I want to talk to my family, call them or anything, but it's like 2:30 am in Indonesia, I can't disturb them. They have other things to take care of. I hope engkong will get well soon....
And that's why I thank You for giving Jinji in my life, she's a very good friend & she always listens to my ramblings, no matter weird they are.
This time I don't care if I wake up with swollen eyes again tomorrow, at least I don't have class tomorrow.


I hope I can be stronger as the days passed. Jay, get back to your group, life isn't the same without you & your dorkiness~


I'll call it a day now...

Day 21: I'm.....numb?

At first I was worried.

Then I was annoyed. Really really annoyed.

My group mates are so irresponsible!!!!

Julian did work hard for the interview but he didn't realize our presentation is 2 weeks away....

I have no idea of what to write from that 1 1/4 pages of interview result....and how to make it a 3000 words report none the less.

Russian couple are away God-knows-where and will show up in class at Thursday.

Leaving me & Julian confused and have to work to find some info again.

Sweet.


Am I the only one panicking over the whole thing???

AM I too paranoid??

Maybe my tears are already dried up, strangely I'm not crying at all. Only shed some tears earlier today. I'm really looking forward to meet the student councilor....

Back to topic

I guess I should read some info about the whole RD things....if I'm not mistaken we have to do some analysis over this.

*sigh*


Maybe I should've take art path like my brother, at least I won't get frustrated over irresponsible group members and counting counting counting...


On the bright side, I got some info from Audrey about the prices of jackets here, plus cream for winter. Let's see if it'll work. Thanks, Audrey!! Get well soon!!

And poor Phuong....her request to get internship 1st got rejected!! They are so weird, she clearly stated that she has some financial problems and can't pay for the 2nd semester without working & they still insist her to finish 2nd semester 1st without giving advice or alternatives for her problems???


I...


I honestly don't know what to write or think right now...


I think I already gone numb about the whole thing...


I'm pretty sure I'll freak out again when the time is come



I'll call it a day now I guess.....

Day 20 : Why?

Whenever I wrote I don;t understand myself, I seriously mean it.

Because I don't understand why I'm so emo at nights here. Even now.

Even now, where I was happily chatting with my brother & parents before dinner. Where I was laughing --not literally-- of my own silliness, forgot to set the alarm clock and thus, woke up late and missed the morning messe. As a result I have to skip brunch and ate mi gelas, oatmilk and a few bites of waffle for lunch.

If this is what will always happen to me at nights, I don't know what will happen when winter actually comes. When there will be more nights than days.

And btw, this is also the 1st time I really want to skip a class. Really desperate to skip a class.

Why???


I don't understand. Do I hate that class that much? I know it's boring and such but I never wanted to skip a boring class, at least this much, before.

And at the same time I'm also worried about Rooms Division report. I know I'm paranoid but I'm really worried we won't make it. Especially since I have no idea of what to write for a 3000 words report with the interview result is so short, albeit quite descriptive and interesting. Should I include a history of Rooms Division in general and the hotel itself?

If that's the case, I guess I really should skip the class tomorrow. I'm sucks at research and writing reports, I always need a long time to do those so I better prepare myself. I can ask the others what the class will be about, and I'll catch up with their help.


In the mean time, I will try my best to figure out the reason of my insecurities, fear and whatever problems I have. Maybe I'll do a rosary prayer tonight, just to calm myself down (and I hope it'll really help me to calm down).


Right now I feel like there's something gripped my insides....what is it, I have no idea. I don't even have any idea of what that "insides" is....my heart? My feelings? I really really have no idea.


Why is life so difficult?

Why I always feel the time is too short?

When I can grow up?



I....don't even feel like closing the day at this rate.


Simply because I don't know and don't understand what's happening here, with me.


But I'll try to call it a day now, and hope it'll be better day by day.

Day 19: Again....

Yup, again and again and again...


Today started fairly well actually.

Both me & my roommate slept late yesterday and woke up late too. Ok, not really late for me since my eyes already opened since....I don't know, 8 maybe? It was quite a long time before my alarm, set to 9, started ringing. But it wasn't a problem, as long as I got enough sleep. Else I won't function properly.

So after brunch me & my friends went to Migros to buy some foods and body lotion plus face cream in the pharmacy. I don't know which product is good actually, I just follow the others. And maybe it was a slightly bad idea. I mean, I have no idea and I just followed what the others said because they know better than me. Sounds safe and sound. But the problem is, their views of the prices are different than me.

Quin told me l'occitane is good. It is good, I'm sure of it, especially since it's made in France. Obviously can cover the needs. However Iriana is a problem since she....I hope it's not only me....but she seems a bit cold to me. At least that's what I feel today. When I told her I need to buy a jacket, she told me it's better to buy something like H&M because to buy things here probably not very good in quality and with a high price too. I know it's true, I also think like that, but the problem here is I have to go to Montreux to reach H&M and I don't think I will have the time for that. But when I told her this, she simply shrugged. For me, it seemed skeptical. And she's the one who doesn't know the value of money too. It seems like she's too self-centered, or at least she doesn't want to listen to me and my needs.

Too bad, I need her help in this area since she is the one who already experienced snowy days.

In the end, I bought l'occitane face cream and body lotion, plus one nivea soft intensive cream in tube just to try. When we went to Coop I saw Dove body butter and since Iriana said body butter is better in some ways, I bought it too. In total, with the milk and everything, I spent more than 120 francs. Which means, I spent more than 1 jt Rupiah.




I honestly feel very very bad towards my parents. Yes I know the life here is very expensive and I also know what I bought are the necessities....but I also know that I'm very stingy. Which is an advantage in a lot of things, like I won't spend my money for unnecessary things.

My point is, I hope I can somewhat reduce my expenses. I don't know how, but I really want to. School fees are already expensive...


Btw..


Yeah, it happened again. Even though I went out today, have quite some fun and sad due to previous event, I suddenly feel down again at the moment.

And all it takes are supervision research and browsing wiki about HR.

I've decided I don't like hospitality supervision now. The class is boring and.....I can't explain why but I don't like it. In some ways, I kind of regret i dropped business planning and not supervision. In a matter of importance, supervision is more important. In a matter of class and way of studying, business planning is better. I have Iriana in both presentation groups so it's a 50-50 situation.

But seriously, the whole ordeal makes me worried about myself.


A simple curiosity and a peek of my future work interest has made me doubt myself again. I became worried, afraid, because I don't know what the future will bring and will I like it or not, can I handle it or not....why am I so easily scared and stressed?

My emotions can go up and down too easily. TOO easily. Why? When did this start? How did it happened?


I'm trying to focus on supervision project now, I'm worried since the day is near to my contemporary issues project. I honestly don't like it, with my easy-to-stressed condition and two presentations so near to each others....

I know I will suffer a lot.

That's why I'm trying to prepare myself since now, but it's also hard. I easily get distracted, quite moody in doing something, and my worried tendency--again, a big factor....


I don't even know what I can do.


But I can say that I'm more interested in my contemporary issues project rather than supervision one. Simply because my group mates in contemporary issues are much more nicer....and the topic is about culture.


This also makes me wonder, maybe I should've stayed in culture path. But both of this and supervision class are the ones who made me want to try HR.


So the conclusion is: I'm still confused. I don't know what will happen, I will leave all of this to my lovely Jesus Christ. I hope I will feel better after tomorrow's sermon. Maybe I'll do rosary prayer too tomorrow.


I'll.....call it a day now.

Day 18 : A day can make you proud and sad

It was quite....interesting today, I guess?


As usual in Friday mornings, I woke up at 7 to pamper myself with hot shower & light make-up......just to eat breakfast at 8 and then go back to sleep.

Thank God I have the courage (and sane mind) to quit Business Planning. I seriously will die of over-stressed if I do continue. Sorry, Mr. K, but this is my sanity that I'm putting into the life line here.

Anyway, I also cleaned up my room a bit. Yesterday I got an e-mail from the reception, saying that our room will be the exemplary room to show to Glion guests because our is always clean and tidy.

I'm proud of that, really proud~

But it seems like my roommate just doesn't understand why it is our room that got chosen. She doesn't mind, not at all, but she doesn't understand why.

That also makes me don't understand her. She has question marks label at times, at least for me.


By the way, at the noon, she & my band of girls decided to skip english due to presntation preparations. Life's pretty hectic for them now, I hope they'll be ok.
And honestly, I feel a bit envious towards my Taiwanese friend. It's true she has a lot of works to do, because all 3 of her presentations are near to due. But actually, if one look at it carefully, she will have a lot of free time after mid term break. While I'm still have 2 presentations, the days very near to each other, and I know I'll go crazy by the time.

Let's just hope I will survive.


Not to mention at the time it's proably already snowing....and I still remember Fina said snow brings a gloomy feeling.

As if I'm not gloomy enough now?


I still have my doubts time to time. A few days ago I was crying because I don't know what I actually want to do in life, whether I make a good choice or not, etc etc. And the trigger was pictures of my Brazilian friend in Switz.

In a matter of seconds, I started thinking "What am I doing here with these guys, these westerners? Do I really want to work with them?? What if I become like them??"

Okay that sounds a bit racialist but I won't deny that I am racialist, even only slightly.

I love my Asian background, my Chinese/Indonesian origin, and I don't want to change that. I'm pretty conservative and a lot of things here made me baffled and disappointed even. I often see the pictures of my westerner friends partying and I really really really really don't like that. The way they are partying is scary for me, perhaps because it includes a lot of alcohol/booze/smoke/disco/whatever that I never associated to in Indonesia. And I dislike it, which is purely because of stereotypes, and I don't wish to change it.

That's why I told my family and close friends I want to work at a place with large Asian community, such as Toronto, Singapore, Japan, South Korea....or even China and Taiwan, if my mandarin can get any better.

I've sent an e-mail to internship office today, I think I will visit them after lunch at Tuesday to ask for some infos. I'm still not sure if I really want to continue the next semester or not but I think it will be a great pity, a great loss, if I don't continue. I need the degree certificate and the knowledge. I admit I'm afraid (when I am not anyway?) to enter the work, because I have no idea what I will do and what I will encounter once I do, but I also often daydreaming of working in a hotel, in which I can earn money by myself and make my family proud because I manage to survive living abroad alone with me being mommy's girl and all.

HR and FO....I don't know which one is better. I have the brief ideas of working in FO, thanks to Rooms Division class, but HR...I completely clueless. That's why I need to ask the internship office, at least I can know some things to prepare my poor mental. I somewhat more interested in HR though, simply because Mizuno offered me a job in HRD before.

Besides, I'm from cultural studies. I have more interest in human lives, their cultures and society, rather than just counting counting counting and counting.

Also the very main reason why I suddenly decided to throw away F&B for hospitality. I didn't know that F&B has so many counting counting counting, so even though the lecturer is very nice, I simply not interested in the course itself. Too many countings. And I don't like designing menus either. I guess my interest in F&B areas are only because I like to cook and bake, with my own pace, and healthy foods at that.



I'll change the topic.


Weather here is suddenly dropped these days. Usually it was only the weekends that is very cold but now....it started to get cold even in weekdays.

Today's temperature in the morning was 7 and 18 in the afternoon. And it has been raining since yesterday. My poor umbrella ripped a bit but I still can use it.

I'm more worried about the cold spell though. I have sweaters and pullovers but warm jacket and clothes in general, I haven't got any chance to buy them yet. Now this is really worrying. I will visit the jacket shop tomorrow. Will be very dangerous if I can't find anything there. What if its' suddenly snowing?? It sounds impossible, considering now is supposed to be early autumn, but who knows? The weather here is unpredictable and global warming makes it worse...


I hope I can find something tomorrow....



And God bless Indonesia, I hope there will be no more victims or sudden natural disasters. I'm worried about my families and friends.....and the earthquake killed so many people too.....

I don't know what it means since I'm here, safe and sound albeit stressed, but a lot of people died and injured and suffered mental trauma.


I won't consider myself lucky.

But I will do what I can do....


I'll call it a day now.

Day 17 : .................?

As you can see....


I don't know what's wrong with me. I actually wonder if I actually know about myself.

I don't know what I want.

I'm not sure of what I need.

I don't know what to do to find out and answer those questions.

I don't know the purpose of my life and what I want to do in my life.

The last line is probably the worse.


My emotions still going up and down I see. About an hour ago I was crying, again, simply because I suddenly feel like I couldn't stand my life here. Like I couldn't stand what I'm doing here. Like I don't understand what am I doing here.

And I guess I really don't know the answers.

I wonder when will I be free from this up and down emotionally unstable attack, because this really affecting my performance in works.

I'm supposed to do research for tomorrow's group meeting but what did I do? I can't even concentrate, too tired and too deep in those thoughts full of anxiety.....

I'm lucky that nice but loudmouth roommate of mine is sleeping so she won't ask me things I'm probably not ready to answer of.


I think I'll skip breakfast tomorrow, I just want to sleep without distraction and alarm clock. Let's see if I can do that. Because I think I need those peaceful times.

Anyway, I'm worried because I'm not able to sleep late like I used to. If I don't get enough sleep, I can't concentrate in classes and only understand half of it.


Funny how I can feel like this. A few hours ago, after dinner, I still can laughed with my best friends. Half an hour after that, I was out for ice cream with my Chinese and Thai friends.

So how did it happen to be like this?

Last Saturday I went with them to visit the campus and the dorms there in Montreux. We even already decided which dorm we want to live in and with who, as if I already decided I want to stay.

Tsk, I rellay really underestimated myself.

So annoying....



In supervision class, it said that a good leader have to know him/herself.

Ha, I can't be a good leader then. Simply because I don't know myself.


Really, I don't know myself.


I'll try to do some more research before sleep. I guess crying really makes one feel better...

And maybe I should meet the student councilor again if the situation got worse or don't get better.




I'll call it a day. An emo day.

Day 16: Whatever deh...

Hm, I just want to share my thoughts about my friend...

When I was chatting with my cousin she asked me if the Indo friend is nice. I told her yes, she's pretty nice.

Hm, I guess I was wrong.

She just told us today that she is thinking to quit her study here, because she said the education & courses & everything aren't up to her standard. She even said her first impression of one of our lecturer is "stupid".

..........well.


Since I don't like hurting people's feelings, and not so blunt like her, I'll just write it down here then.

I started to feel disappointed with her during my homesick/culture shock days. At the time I often ask her opinions about things since she has more experiences living abroad. But in the end, after I talked to the program leader, and she asked me my decision.....I told her I couldn't decide, I will see as the time goes on.

Her reaction?

"Okay, it's your life...but I already started to feel irritated and annoyed, you know"


Oh, I can see that really. But you know.....I am not you.

Unlike me, you already know what do you want to do in your life. Unlike me, you came from businessman family. Unlike me, you have more than enough material supports for everything in life.

But you can't see that, can you?

Just because I can't decide what to do and want to think over it more, you think I'm an indecisive person.

Well, too bad.....because I also can see that you are nothing but a smart and rich spoiled kid. You admitted it yourself, you don't know the value of money. I can see that clearly. You often whine you want to go shopping, and the brands are the expensive ones. You want to go to the big cities to shop but you don't want to walk a little bit far. You don't like to walk to the town because it's hot. You complain about your dorm because you used to have the whole apartment to yourself and you have your own car but sadly here you have to walk a lot.

We are so different aren't we?

You just want to study but don't want to work. I told you if you want to quit you can work for your father first and then take a master degree, but you just whined you want to study. Don't you know that working is also studying? Don't you know that all of your life, you're studying, just not in class but in everyday life?

You have no right to call people stupid just by the first sight. You have no right to judge people being indecisive just because their way of thinking and seeing things are different from you. Or maybe, you actually CAN do that.....everyone can do that, even me who is silently criticizing you now. But you are so impatient you know?

Maybe all of these are because you're so young. You're still 20, I think I was so careless like that too when I was your age.

Time will make you realize one day, that there is nothing such as "wasting time" in the world. Every single second is precious, so does every single thing you do.

And even though you feel like you don't get anything from the 2 weeks life here in Bulle, you will see one day that you're actually got something already: the feelings of being faraway from your family, living alone without luxury, gaining new friends. You need to learn about humility too you know..

Things like that, I already can see it. You will reach the time when you finally can do it too.


I'll call it a day....

Day 15: I don't know...

O hai....

Just the like the title, I don't understand anything anymore.

Now I've begin to doubt myself. For everything. For anything.

At first, I was happy and proud to have the opportunity to go here. It's rare, I know. Not all people can do what I do right now.

But is it the right path for me?

Is this the right choice of career I want to be?

Most of all, is this what I want to be? What I meant to be?

I don't know...

Maybe I'm in the middle of transition. My previous study is so much different than now. And now I have to face some courses that I'm not even sure I can handle...or like...or even want to attend...

The promising future lies ahead is tempting...but can I grasp it?

Not to mention the homesickness.....

But if I have to go back...

I think I will regret it.....at least now.

I'm not even halfway trying but I'm already feel sick at some parts.

Even though I won't regret my decision to come back, what should I do once I came back?

Not knowing of what should I do after graduated----it is exactly the reason why I came here in the first place. Because I don't know what kind of job I would get, what kind of job I can do....

So I'm stuck in the middle....

And I admit I'm stressed.....depressed even....of all of this....

God, please help me....

Day 14: Switzerland 1st day

Duh.....1st thing came in mind: my english is nothing but engrish, conversation wise T____T

Really, I'm ashamed of myself. Btw before I left, my friend Iriana, who is going to take a PGD too, told me I'll be fine "soalnya org2 SK n Cina kan inggrisnya lebi ngawur" XDD I was laughing when I read that particular message....but now...hhh....I have 2 Chinese & Taiwanese friends, who are my dorm neighbors. Engrishnya lmyn tuh, malah kayanya lebi lancar mreka d....huuh...and now I'm contemplating to take the english class or not...but the credits....

And you know what? Before I left at Cengkareng, I felt at eased more than the days before, when I was often feel dizzy and shaking because I was so nervous. No, when I was at Cengkareng, I was nervous but remained calm most of the time. When I was in the plane, I teared up a bit when I silently prayed to Christ, wishing Him to protect me and making me strong.

My prayer has been answered, I was able to stay calm....even when I was alone in the luxurious Abu Dabhi airport (it's not as luxurious as Singapore's Changi but definitely more luxurious than Tokyo's Narita), when I have to search for my luggage while leaving my laptop and cabin bag alone in the floor, hoping no one dare to steal it. When I met the school's representative was the 1st time I realized that my english is nothing but engrish. I'm disappointed of course, but since I also met new friends from Mexico, Taiwan, China, Vietnam and Thailand, I didn't feel that bad.

I am now quite close to the Vietnam woman, she's my roommate, and also the Taiwanese and the Chinese (they are my neighbors). We even took a walk together around Bulle to check where is the convenience store, the supermarket, the bookstore, etc. I'm quite at ease with them since maybe, just maybe, they feel the same intensity as I'm currently feeling.

But now, when me & the Vietnamese are alone in our room, busy doing anything we're doing with our laptop and internet connection, I feel it again. The very same fear and loneliness I've felt 5 years ago when I first stayed in dormitory when I just got accepted in UI.

I know I'm a mommy's girl. A family girl. Whatever lah....my point is, I really had underestimated my own self, the maturity and my feelings and emotions to accept this. This is my 1st time going so far far away from home, and now I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of....loosing the shelter my family always provided, for the lack of the better words.

Gw abis nangis di wc td, sambil berharap si vietnam ga denger. Diragukan si.....tapi dia pasti jg ngerti kayanya. Gw kan masi anak2, dia udah 27 thn, jelas lebi siap mental. N bbrp hal yg jg memicu gw nangis mgk gara2 ini:
1. gw sambil sms ama nyokap
2. gw nyoba2 onlen sambil chatting ama eiji
3. gw nowel2 tmn gw si kucing poland, yg mana yg bersangkutan rupanya ga nyadar klo gw just a few hours away from her place now (emg aga2 telmi ni anak, tp lucu si :P)
4. si vietnam lg video chat di sblh gw....pastinya klo ga ama kluarganya ya ama temen2nya..

N smua itu jelas cuma bikin gw tambah gimanaaaa gitu......

Honestly, this is embarrassing. I'm 23 already, I'm not a little girl anymore! Okay, I know these feelings are just temporary. Once I got used to the life here, I'll be fine, I know that. But the process until being there still need a lot of works...and tears.

I hope I'll feel at home here, at Glion....but during dinner, I lost my appetite because just half an hour before I drank a glass of sour orange juice. I have to force myself to eat dinner, that the foods were sadly what I'm not exactly fond of. I don't understand how my friends still can eat them after drank the juice and ate a plum and an apple. Hhh...their tummies work differently than mine...


Christ, please make me strong...


I'll call it a day for now, I hope they are enough.....and maybe I'll go cry again in the wc now...