Day 18 : A day can make you proud and sad

It was quite....interesting today, I guess?


As usual in Friday mornings, I woke up at 7 to pamper myself with hot shower & light make-up......just to eat breakfast at 8 and then go back to sleep.

Thank God I have the courage (and sane mind) to quit Business Planning. I seriously will die of over-stressed if I do continue. Sorry, Mr. K, but this is my sanity that I'm putting into the life line here.

Anyway, I also cleaned up my room a bit. Yesterday I got an e-mail from the reception, saying that our room will be the exemplary room to show to Glion guests because our is always clean and tidy.

I'm proud of that, really proud~

But it seems like my roommate just doesn't understand why it is our room that got chosen. She doesn't mind, not at all, but she doesn't understand why.

That also makes me don't understand her. She has question marks label at times, at least for me.


By the way, at the noon, she & my band of girls decided to skip english due to presntation preparations. Life's pretty hectic for them now, I hope they'll be ok.
And honestly, I feel a bit envious towards my Taiwanese friend. It's true she has a lot of works to do, because all 3 of her presentations are near to due. But actually, if one look at it carefully, she will have a lot of free time after mid term break. While I'm still have 2 presentations, the days very near to each other, and I know I'll go crazy by the time.

Let's just hope I will survive.


Not to mention at the time it's proably already snowing....and I still remember Fina said snow brings a gloomy feeling.

As if I'm not gloomy enough now?


I still have my doubts time to time. A few days ago I was crying because I don't know what I actually want to do in life, whether I make a good choice or not, etc etc. And the trigger was pictures of my Brazilian friend in Switz.

In a matter of seconds, I started thinking "What am I doing here with these guys, these westerners? Do I really want to work with them?? What if I become like them??"

Okay that sounds a bit racialist but I won't deny that I am racialist, even only slightly.

I love my Asian background, my Chinese/Indonesian origin, and I don't want to change that. I'm pretty conservative and a lot of things here made me baffled and disappointed even. I often see the pictures of my westerner friends partying and I really really really really don't like that. The way they are partying is scary for me, perhaps because it includes a lot of alcohol/booze/smoke/disco/whatever that I never associated to in Indonesia. And I dislike it, which is purely because of stereotypes, and I don't wish to change it.

That's why I told my family and close friends I want to work at a place with large Asian community, such as Toronto, Singapore, Japan, South Korea....or even China and Taiwan, if my mandarin can get any better.

I've sent an e-mail to internship office today, I think I will visit them after lunch at Tuesday to ask for some infos. I'm still not sure if I really want to continue the next semester or not but I think it will be a great pity, a great loss, if I don't continue. I need the degree certificate and the knowledge. I admit I'm afraid (when I am not anyway?) to enter the work, because I have no idea what I will do and what I will encounter once I do, but I also often daydreaming of working in a hotel, in which I can earn money by myself and make my family proud because I manage to survive living abroad alone with me being mommy's girl and all.

HR and FO....I don't know which one is better. I have the brief ideas of working in FO, thanks to Rooms Division class, but HR...I completely clueless. That's why I need to ask the internship office, at least I can know some things to prepare my poor mental. I somewhat more interested in HR though, simply because Mizuno offered me a job in HRD before.

Besides, I'm from cultural studies. I have more interest in human lives, their cultures and society, rather than just counting counting counting and counting.

Also the very main reason why I suddenly decided to throw away F&B for hospitality. I didn't know that F&B has so many counting counting counting, so even though the lecturer is very nice, I simply not interested in the course itself. Too many countings. And I don't like designing menus either. I guess my interest in F&B areas are only because I like to cook and bake, with my own pace, and healthy foods at that.



I'll change the topic.


Weather here is suddenly dropped these days. Usually it was only the weekends that is very cold but now....it started to get cold even in weekdays.

Today's temperature in the morning was 7 and 18 in the afternoon. And it has been raining since yesterday. My poor umbrella ripped a bit but I still can use it.

I'm more worried about the cold spell though. I have sweaters and pullovers but warm jacket and clothes in general, I haven't got any chance to buy them yet. Now this is really worrying. I will visit the jacket shop tomorrow. Will be very dangerous if I can't find anything there. What if its' suddenly snowing?? It sounds impossible, considering now is supposed to be early autumn, but who knows? The weather here is unpredictable and global warming makes it worse...


I hope I can find something tomorrow....



And God bless Indonesia, I hope there will be no more victims or sudden natural disasters. I'm worried about my families and friends.....and the earthquake killed so many people too.....

I don't know what it means since I'm here, safe and sound albeit stressed, but a lot of people died and injured and suffered mental trauma.


I won't consider myself lucky.

But I will do what I can do....


I'll call it a day now.

Day 14: Switzerland 1st day

Duh.....1st thing came in mind: my english is nothing but engrish, conversation wise T____T

Really, I'm ashamed of myself. Btw before I left, my friend Iriana, who is going to take a PGD too, told me I'll be fine "soalnya org2 SK n Cina kan inggrisnya lebi ngawur" XDD I was laughing when I read that particular message....but now...hhh....I have 2 Chinese & Taiwanese friends, who are my dorm neighbors. Engrishnya lmyn tuh, malah kayanya lebi lancar mreka d....huuh...and now I'm contemplating to take the english class or not...but the credits....

And you know what? Before I left at Cengkareng, I felt at eased more than the days before, when I was often feel dizzy and shaking because I was so nervous. No, when I was at Cengkareng, I was nervous but remained calm most of the time. When I was in the plane, I teared up a bit when I silently prayed to Christ, wishing Him to protect me and making me strong.

My prayer has been answered, I was able to stay calm....even when I was alone in the luxurious Abu Dabhi airport (it's not as luxurious as Singapore's Changi but definitely more luxurious than Tokyo's Narita), when I have to search for my luggage while leaving my laptop and cabin bag alone in the floor, hoping no one dare to steal it. When I met the school's representative was the 1st time I realized that my english is nothing but engrish. I'm disappointed of course, but since I also met new friends from Mexico, Taiwan, China, Vietnam and Thailand, I didn't feel that bad.

I am now quite close to the Vietnam woman, she's my roommate, and also the Taiwanese and the Chinese (they are my neighbors). We even took a walk together around Bulle to check where is the convenience store, the supermarket, the bookstore, etc. I'm quite at ease with them since maybe, just maybe, they feel the same intensity as I'm currently feeling.

But now, when me & the Vietnamese are alone in our room, busy doing anything we're doing with our laptop and internet connection, I feel it again. The very same fear and loneliness I've felt 5 years ago when I first stayed in dormitory when I just got accepted in UI.

I know I'm a mommy's girl. A family girl. Whatever lah....my point is, I really had underestimated my own self, the maturity and my feelings and emotions to accept this. This is my 1st time going so far far away from home, and now I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of....loosing the shelter my family always provided, for the lack of the better words.

Gw abis nangis di wc td, sambil berharap si vietnam ga denger. Diragukan si.....tapi dia pasti jg ngerti kayanya. Gw kan masi anak2, dia udah 27 thn, jelas lebi siap mental. N bbrp hal yg jg memicu gw nangis mgk gara2 ini:
1. gw sambil sms ama nyokap
2. gw nyoba2 onlen sambil chatting ama eiji
3. gw nowel2 tmn gw si kucing poland, yg mana yg bersangkutan rupanya ga nyadar klo gw just a few hours away from her place now (emg aga2 telmi ni anak, tp lucu si :P)
4. si vietnam lg video chat di sblh gw....pastinya klo ga ama kluarganya ya ama temen2nya..

N smua itu jelas cuma bikin gw tambah gimanaaaa gitu......

Honestly, this is embarrassing. I'm 23 already, I'm not a little girl anymore! Okay, I know these feelings are just temporary. Once I got used to the life here, I'll be fine, I know that. But the process until being there still need a lot of works...and tears.

I hope I'll feel at home here, at Glion....but during dinner, I lost my appetite because just half an hour before I drank a glass of sour orange juice. I have to force myself to eat dinner, that the foods were sadly what I'm not exactly fond of. I don't understand how my friends still can eat them after drank the juice and ate a plum and an apple. Hhh...their tummies work differently than mine...


Christ, please make me strong...


I'll call it a day for now, I hope they are enough.....and maybe I'll go cry again in the wc now...

Day 13: *sigh* My complaints....

......definitely not a good news...


Yesterday there were suicide bombings. AGAIN. Jesus, I don't even understand why did they do that....

Yesterday morning there were 2 bombs exploded at JW Mariott hotel and Ritz-Carlton hotel at Mega Kuningan. Actually there is another bomb found but the I think they have managed to stop it explode. The first one, at Mariott, exploded at 7.45 AM and the RC one at 7.47 AM, according to the news. Both were exploded during opening hour, where the workers were preparing things to welcome the guests, and the guests themselves were having breakfasts or just arrived at the places.

Most people think that this is Jamaah Islamiyah doings again. Of course there is no evidence so far, the JI itself is still silent up till now and not bragging about it like before, but the JI is the main suspect for now.

According to the news (MetroTV, Yahoo news, etc), there are 9 killed and about 53 people injured heavily and lightly. This is the second bombing happened to Mariott, it happened a few years before and killed more than yesterday's one. Among the current victims, there are some foreigners, all are important people who have high positions at their companies. Mariott is one of the most favorite places in Jakarta to held important meetings and it's also a branhc of Mariott in the States. As JI is, if Im not mistake, has quite big ill-feelings toward "America-related", no doubt they are the ones behind the scenes and no wonder people suspect them being the responsible ones.

I've read today's Kompas this noon, and there are at least 2 people who got injured physically and mentally because they are also the victims of the previous Mariott bombing. Poor them, they are scarred and traumatized. I'm really worried, it must have affected them so much. I honestly don't understand why the bombers, whoever they are, have to resort to go this extreme path....

Let's just say it is really JI who is responsible......their hatred of "western things" and how they applied their hatred in practice only make the situation worse for them. Not only rising negative thoughts of Indonesia's image, it's also affecting the Moslem's image as well. These days, ignorant people who rarely in contact with Moslems think that all Moslems are militants, evil, etc etc. On the other hand, some Moslems also think that Christians are barbarians (especially since Christians are allowed to drink alcoholic beverages). Oh lookie here, now we have a war based on religions and beliefs....

"Moslems are evil beings"....obviously not true. I'm Catholic, I've been raised by my family which consists of devoted Ctaholic/Christian/Confucian believers. However, being raised in Indonesia, who has the largest Moslem community in the world, is really helpful to show me that they are not evil.

"Christians are barbarians".....now this one, which I read last year during my thesis writing, I have to admit it really makes me pissed. Not surprising of course since I'm a Catholic myself. And by the way, the writer wrote it mainly because "westerners are violent and they drink a lot, that's why they are violent" sentence. Does it make any sense? Maybe yes, but it doesn't applied to ALL westerners (who ignorants usually think as Christians).

Anyway, back about the bombings.

Yesterday facebook was full of condolences and sympathy of the tragedy. However, some people chose to be heartless smartasses....

One of my junior for example. She wrote in her caption wall that it's better if they bomb the poor people so that Indonesia will has less of them and will give the image for foreigners, especially the Manchester United football team that supposed to came for a friendly match with our local teams.

.....I REALLY PISSED OFF, DISSAPOINTED, DISGUSTED.....whatever the words but yeah, that's my feelings even now.

So she thought it was a good joke huh? To wrote things like that? To laugh at the poor people? To wish for their death just to make a good name? How is it will give our country a good name? Really, I'm so pissed I can't even write my feelings properly in this journal.
One thing she doesn't know: my college mate's cousin is one of the victim of the bombings. I don't know if the cousin died or not (JESUS, PLEASE NO) but if my friend read it, I don't now what her feeling would be. And I told this to that insolent junior, told her that there is someone I know injured of it, and she apologized, said that she was "drunk" when she wrote it.

Read this girl:

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF DRUNK YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BUT YOU ARE A MOSLEM GIRL. MOSLEMS AREN'T ALLOWED TO DRINK. WHATEVER YOUR REASON WAS, IT WON'T CHANGE YOUR INSOLENCE AND WHAT I'M FEELING NOW ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!

And if she was "drunk" because she has problems with thesis, I really don't want to sympathize her. She is one of the main reasons why I don't have any respect AT ALL toward my juniors. They have never been a good example for their juniors and never done good things that will change their seniors' views of them. Period.

As for the Manchester United team....yeah, I can understand why people dissapointed with the situation. The team has canceled the schedule to come for some friendly matches with Indonesia, Malaysia, and 2 other countries I forgot which ones (I'm sorry...). It is a super bad news for the team's fans and for our local teams as well. It is a once in a life time's chance to play with one of the most famous teams in the whole world.

But the reason of the cancellation is understandable right? They supposed to stay at the Ritz-Carlton today but there was the bomb. Which is very fortunate for my view. It's definitely much better if they canceled it. And imagine what will happen if the bomb explodes when the team members are already in the hotel. MU has a history of bombing too. At 1954 or so, the plane the team were using had exploded before it can fly, killing 8 team members. It was a dark history of MU, one that also raised the team's name (more out of sympathy) which just got some outstanding members, the irony is....so heartbreaking.

Anyway, I really don't appreciate any jokes of the bombings. It's not something we can joke about, with so many people died and injured.


And that's my number one complain. There are still....some more, I don't know how many @____________@

Well, the second complain....not exactly a complain actually. My friends and I are supposed to hold a party today, for my farewell and to celebrate 4 of my friends' graduation. But I've decided to cancel it due to safety reasons. Besides, as I have mentioned above, one of friend's cousin got injured too. It's better not to celebrate anything in this sad situation. I'm feeling guilty already...


Third complaint? Hm, this is actually an old issue....but I only can bring myself to write it down now. Mainly because I'm busy and stressed, enough to make me too tired to write anything.

It's about my insolent juniors. Yes, like that "drunk" girl I've mentioned above. It's actually about her and her friends.

Let's start with said "drunk girl". I' don't want to say her name so I'll mention her as M instead.

M currently is writing her graduation thesis. She chose the theme of bushido combined with chan before. But now, due to smoe weird reasons came from her lecturer, she has to changed it (and so she did). I don't know her current theme. Anyway, when she was still in the bushido/chan theme, I helped her a bit since she seemed doesn't understand some parts.
Things started to get annoying a few months after that. And the reason is?

None other than the most famous Korean drama, Boys Before Flowers. Or Kkotboda Namja in Korean.

I'll be honest, I'm biased about this drama. It's an adaptation of a manga Hana Yori Dango, which had made quite a ruckus in Indonesia when the Taiwan movie version Metero Garden was aired a few years ago. I really dislike this drama, whichever version it is. I detest bullying, mainly because I myself got bullied mentally when I was little by an annoying-snobbish-rich girl classmate of mine.

So that M was all of a sudden busy spazzing over the drama, spent her time watching it over and over again, neglecting the thesis. Her status in facebook were all about the drama, and her friends have responded in the similar spazzing manners.

In the end, she was all panicking about the thesis, which was not going to make it on time. But when I asked her about it, she simply said she'll go through another semester to finish it.

I'm a kind of a girl who is taking work and responsibilities seriously. Ask my friends, they know about it very well. And so, that kind of attitude only makes me more and more annoyed with her. She was spazzing over the drama for some times, occasionally complained she didn't have money too. It was so dissapointing to the point I sarcastically teased her once, saying that if she has the money to buy pirated DVDs, she should do something better with them. Like, paying for thesis printing or something. Her reply? She said she was collecting the money to pay the for the next semester.


OH MY GOD THE NERVE OF THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And apparently she is not the only one like that.


4 of my friends, who graduated late because they got scholarships for exchange students, told me this. Among about some 40 students that are writing graduation thesis, half of them decided to take another semester. WHILE THEY ACTUALLY STILL HAVE ABOUT 2 MONTHS TO FINISH IT.

I can't be more disappointed. they think 2 months time aren't enough to finish it? I'VE FINISHED MY THESIS IN 2 MONTHS TIME!!! MAYBE LESS!! And my best friend has finished it in less than a month. A MONTH!!!!
They are just lazy-asses!!! No better word to describe! I hope at least some of them actually have at least a proper reason, like caught an illness or something....

And there is another one similar to M girl. Let's call her N now. She never came to see the lecturer to discuss about her thesis, She only came once, at the very start of the last semester and then appeared again only a week before her exam!! When one of the "killer"faculty scolded her for that, she reasoned she was ill. But to the lecturer responsible in guiding her, she admitted that she was afraid of her and that was why she never came.

......I really don't have any word to describe how ridiculous I found the whole thing.

That lecturer is 8 months pregnant!! She is pregnant, still teaching in class, still teaching in at another campus, going back and forth here and there, and she still want to help the linguistic students who ahve to come to her since one of the linguistic lecturer has to go to Japan. COME ONE GIRL, WHAT IS IT YOU'RE AFRAID OF A PREGNANT WOMAN???

Sensei, I really admire and respect you for your kind heart and patience. I honestly ashamed of such a junior. You're still taking care of them while you're with a child, I hope you will give birth safely to a healthy child. God bless you, sensei...

When finally it was the exam day for N, which was the same day as 3 of my friends, she came late. SHE CAME LATE. She was so lucky my friend's exam was delayed due to some reasons, else N will be grilled alive by the examiners.

And she was almost grilled alive indeed. Not only she came late, she also hasn't gave that pregnant lecturer her complete thesis, which was supposed to be given to her at least a week before the D Day, ans she hasn't go yoroshiku yet!!! Tsk, that was the best suicide moment...

(Note: yoroshiku is a Japanese term, which usually translated as "pleased to meet you" or "I will need your help from now on" or something similar like that. It is a humble word to show you are respecting other people. In this thesis writing case, it means showing respect to your examiners like saying "You'll be my examiner, please help me a lot so I can have confidence and can graduate")

Since she was in hiatus for a long time, she didn't even know they have to use their own laptops for presentation. In the end, she borrowed my friend's, which made us have to wait until she finished her exam. My friend and I was chatting for a long time of how ridiculous and annoying the situation that occurred at the time.

Another thing I found weird that day: only a very small number of her classmates were there to accompany the juniors who have exams taht day.

Last year when I have my own exam, almost all of our friends came. We were supporting each other by showing up at every exams except the day before our own exam and if one have some unavoidable problems. This year, there were only a few juniors, not even 10 people. My friends and I questioned it too. I wonder if their friendships are so....well, not in a good term or something (for the lack of a better word), that they were wondered off on their own businesses, or they probably were in panic because their own thesis haven't finished yet.

I honestly don't care.

They have showed how much insolent, rude and arrogant they are from the very first time they stepped in our major, I myself was a victim once.


And now, my last complain.

My last problem actually. My emotion has been up and down these days. I often can't sleep at nights, either I'm nervous and afraid, or too excited. I will depart to Switzerland next Friday, and I found out that I actually have to go ALONE. I thought I will have some friends because Allentine said she went with some friends. Turned out there are only 2 PGD students for Glion this semester and Iriana, the other PGD student, will depart a day after me from Singapore. Whew...

That, and I'm nervous of my english. I haven't spoke in a long proper english sentence for a long time, I hope I can manage there. No, I actually know I can manage. I know my english is quite good, I'm not trying to be vain here, it's a fact! And since Iriana was educated abroad since young, and she is from Management major, I'm sure she will help me a lot! Yoroshiku, Iriana!!!

Christ, please protect me and give me confidence! Help me to go through all of this....




I don't have anything to complain anymore I guess. That was a lot of writings in a day!! I actually feel better today. I've managed to bake 2 batches of brownies after a long time I didn't~

My source for the bombing news came from various media: Yahoo!News, Kompas, MetroTv, TransTV, a celebrity gossip show in TV (ridiculous but it's true), etc....credits go to all of them!!



I'll call it a day now.

Day 2: fish, chicken, oatmeal

Good day.....(just a greeting)


Today I woke up at 10 AM.......two hours late from my original plan T_____T

It wasn;t exactly my fault. I slept at 3 AM because my friend Siska has poked me in MSN and it's been a long time since I talked with her. Besides, the content of our convo was interesting. VERY interesting.

I never expected one of the hotel school in Switzerland could be so....low-maintained or whatever good word I should put inside. She said she got bitten by insects (read: kutu kayu/kutu busuk) and the school wasn't taking care of the problem seriously! Some students already reported the case before but they did not get any response. At least now the school is taking care of it.....after they reported to the Headmaster. When Siska check her itchy bumps (yg 1 infeksi pula) to the school nurse, she (or he) insisted that it wan't because of the kutu. How irresponsible of them in handling the students' care & well-being.

The moral of the case: studying abroad isn't that cool.

Anyway


I went to Fish Spa with mom, gonggong and yiyi this noon. Fish spa....sounds weird but it's true. They said the fish eat our skins (baca: kulit ari) and it will make our skin healthier, with less unneeded skin.

(You know what I mean but I'm trying hard to write journals in english)

The moment we sat down in the fish tank, the fishes immediately attacked gonggong's feet. Wow, his feet must be very tasty and have lots of fish food. Mom, on the other hand, barely got any fish visiting her feet because she often scrubs her feet during bath time. Yiyi got some fishes too...........and it took a long time for the fishes to come to me, maybe because my skin is dry and chapped (yah pokonya kering lah) so the fishes have to wait until it soften.

If you ask me how it feels like.......well, i feel kesemutan. Whatever the word in english XDD


Ok, ticklish and kesemutan (still whatever the english word is). It was ticklish at first sinc ethere were only 2 or 3 fishes came to me but after yiyi out of the tank, I got more. About 6 perhaps.
Then after gonggong out of the tank??

O.O fully kesemutan I'd say.....

They were attacking me aalmost as soon as gonggong out!!!! Wow, it was a bit scary sight to see (fishes eat your feet??)
At least I'm assured that dead people in the sea.........ehm......well.........I'll censore what was I going to say. Yeah.

Btw after that we went to eat with another yiyi......and she brought her armies: her daughters, her grandchildren, and the baby sitter. I wasn't surprise anymore, it's nothing new.

Mom said my biaomei looks old with the glasses she was wearing. I'm not sure if it's true or not. She's always extrovert and stylish and daring compared to me.

Back to the topic.......I can't believe such a nice and comfy restaurant can forgot a customer's request. They really forgot my chicken katsu!!! I was left sms-ing with Ci Clif talking about Siska and Ade for a while before my biaojie decide to ask about my order. And when it arrived, it only has small prtion of grated carrot. And they wrote "with salad" in the menu. The only thing good was the kefir, the yoghurt like drink. It was very sour, exactly what I wanted.



Please, Solaria is much better than this (and with the same price too!)........


As for dinner, I was too lazy to cook so I've decided I'll just have oatmeal eaten with leftover veggie soup. The latter was my mom's suggestion since I didn't have any idea what to eat with the oatmeal and I can't eat it plain.
But when I opened the oatmeal package, I found there were things like........sticky things. Like kutu beras that left some sticky things to the rice or Japanese natto (hey, no bad feelings for the natto, they are quite tasty for me anyway). Mom said it's bad already so......bye bye my oatmeal dinner! (sigh)

In the end I have to cook my favorite dish, beef kailan, with mom. That's better than having nothing to eat. Hhhh....


So many things can happen in a day, yeah? Now I hope I'll remember to bring my camera the next time we go to Fish spa again....if there is a next time....


Now let's call it a day.....