Day 22: T______________T

Aku rasa aku punya kelenjar air mata super d...


See, it happened again!!! I'm crying again now.....

I'm really really confused....


I mean, I finally see some brightness today. I'm happy Julian shares the same view with me. He said he's also think Russian couple aren't contributing enough when it was her who started all of this at the 1st place. He even offered to talk to Mabillon if the situation stays like this...and to tell him that all of these are his & mine presentation but not theirs. Now that one is a bit extreme but in a sense, it's true. Hello, those two left us when we haven't done any work yet and only back at Thursday!!

And Julian even comfort me when I told him I'm worried with such a short time. I told him I'm worried since I've never done this before, that I'm nervous about presentation, that I can;t do this in the last minute...and he said I need to relax & I'll be fine during presentation bcoz he understands my english.

For the last line, I feel bad because he compared me with yesterday's supervision presentation. He said he didn't understand anything since the group's english is really bad and accented. But I can't blame them....they are all Chinese/Taiwanese that, except Kurt, are still have their accents. Poor Jeffrey, it was his birthday yesterday and the presentation was deemed bad...


On to top it all....I found out my stupid bunny leader Jay left his group today, due to misunderstandings. Now this is one thing I can understand....because his messages were about culture shock & homesick during his teenage days and as an American, he was very blunt in the way he talked about them. People just too quick to judge things.....and now he left to Seattle to sort his feelings out. And the fans started to feel bad because they later found he had changed his feelings and everything.

I wonder if I'm like that too now.....only, as an Asian born, I'm more introvert about it.


And as a result, I often cry.


Maybe in a sense it's a good thing? I can let out my feelings somewhat....

And Phuong has learned to leave me alone at times like this, thank God. I prefer that way...so I won't feel guilty making my friends, who are already busy with their own projects, worried about me.

And another factor of my tears, still related to darkness, is about the lights in our room. I think we don't have enough light, what about winter?? I hope it won't increase my minus eyes...


Dear Jesus, please help me gain more strength. How can I understand others when I can't even understand myself? I want to talk to my family, call them or anything, but it's like 2:30 am in Indonesia, I can't disturb them. They have other things to take care of. I hope engkong will get well soon....
And that's why I thank You for giving Jinji in my life, she's a very good friend & she always listens to my ramblings, no matter weird they are.
This time I don't care if I wake up with swollen eyes again tomorrow, at least I don't have class tomorrow.


I hope I can be stronger as the days passed. Jay, get back to your group, life isn't the same without you & your dorkiness~


I'll call it a day now...