Day 17 : .................?

As you can see....


I don't know what's wrong with me. I actually wonder if I actually know about myself.

I don't know what I want.

I'm not sure of what I need.

I don't know what to do to find out and answer those questions.

I don't know the purpose of my life and what I want to do in my life.

The last line is probably the worse.


My emotions still going up and down I see. About an hour ago I was crying, again, simply because I suddenly feel like I couldn't stand my life here. Like I couldn't stand what I'm doing here. Like I don't understand what am I doing here.

And I guess I really don't know the answers.

I wonder when will I be free from this up and down emotionally unstable attack, because this really affecting my performance in works.

I'm supposed to do research for tomorrow's group meeting but what did I do? I can't even concentrate, too tired and too deep in those thoughts full of anxiety.....

I'm lucky that nice but loudmouth roommate of mine is sleeping so she won't ask me things I'm probably not ready to answer of.


I think I'll skip breakfast tomorrow, I just want to sleep without distraction and alarm clock. Let's see if I can do that. Because I think I need those peaceful times.

Anyway, I'm worried because I'm not able to sleep late like I used to. If I don't get enough sleep, I can't concentrate in classes and only understand half of it.


Funny how I can feel like this. A few hours ago, after dinner, I still can laughed with my best friends. Half an hour after that, I was out for ice cream with my Chinese and Thai friends.

So how did it happen to be like this?

Last Saturday I went with them to visit the campus and the dorms there in Montreux. We even already decided which dorm we want to live in and with who, as if I already decided I want to stay.

Tsk, I rellay really underestimated myself.

So annoying....



In supervision class, it said that a good leader have to know him/herself.

Ha, I can't be a good leader then. Simply because I don't know myself.


Really, I don't know myself.


I'll try to do some more research before sleep. I guess crying really makes one feel better...

And maybe I should meet the student councilor again if the situation got worse or don't get better.




I'll call it a day. An emo day.